Mocking the quell
by 7-11midnightreader
Summary: This is Haymitch Abernathy's story. The story of the second quarter quell. Meet the young man who will one day shape 2 young rebels. See how he makes an enemy of President Snow and gets a reputation as a rebel himself. And whose flask was that originally.
1. Chapter 1 love from afar

_**LOVE FROM A FAR**_

It was reaping day again. It was the second quarter quell, and twice as many tributes as usual were being sent to the hunger games. I remained perfectly still in my perch, overlooking the hob from the rafters. Doing the math I knew the odds were definitely not in my favor.

Entries in the reaping were cumulative you started with one automatic entry the year you were twelve, and received an additional entry each year. The minimum an eighteen year old had was seven. But, collecting tesserae increased your entries, one for each family member you provided for, those were also cumulative. If a family member died you stopped collecting the tesserae immediately, but it still counted towards the game.

I added my entries in my head, my name would go into the reaping ball ninety four times and I was only sixteen years. Well, forty nine were my own, the other forty five I volunteered for. They were Cedaris Everdeen's and Jaxon Hawthorne's entries.

The rules for volunteering were easy. You could wait till a name was drawn and then volunteer or you could go to the Justice building and anonymously take someone else's entries. I have done just that. My mother has a successful dress stall in the Hob, and she is being courted by the District's Tailor, a successful widower. My sister is just a year older than the tailors son. And even if everything else fails the Everdeen's and the Hawthorn's will make sure they are fed. Without them their families might not eat.

The odds are definitely not in my favor. I can over hear the gamesmaker's front men taking bets as the merchants arrive. I am even money to be reaped, I am not even worth betting on.

I am a seventh son. Families that large are rare in the seam. My older brothers had come as pairs. Having all survived into our teens is rarer still. The odds had not been in Veiner's favor the year I was eleven. His name was reaped, he had done better then most from District twelve, he had survived to the final five. Three career tributes had surrounded him, drove him into the open and killed him. He took two of them with him in a ghastly blood bath. I watched, all of district twelve, as well as, all of Panem had.

In the four months from the forty fifth hunger games to my twelfth birthday, my family barely scraped by without transverse. Veiner had been collecting tesserae for the family since Tink and Jinx turned nineteen . Since, Rainer his twin was already eighteen and the reaping was over, he could not collect tesserae. My mother was frugal. And our bellies were rarely ever hollow, but they were never full.

My father, Trace Hawthorn and Hemlock Everdeen hunted on Sundays, the fence was electrified the rest of the week. But, the mines were closed on Sunday, so only the town square shops and victor's village had power. They had created a gap at the bottom of the fence so they could escape to the woods. It provided some meat for the week, but most of their take was traded right here in the hob for other necessities.

We boys took turns tagging along. I took my first buck with the help of my best friend Cedaris Everdeen. We were only ten, it was both one of the best and one of the worst days of my life. We were still small and the buck was huge. Its rack had twenty four points. I gutted the beast and secured the entrails in my game bag so we could bury them in the meadow. We found a long branch and secured the animal, still we struggled under the weight. If we got caught after we buried the entrails, we could claim we found it injured, put it out of its misery and were bringing it to the peacekeepers. We didn't get caught. We sold the buck to the butcher for more money than either family had ever seen.

The horns blasted just after midnight. The entire populace filed into the square, attendance at public punishment was required. As I entered the square my breath caught in my chest, a scream in my throat. The buck hung from one post, the butcher from another. The butcher was caned forty times while being questioned, even though he lost all awareness somewhere around twenty five. They sentenced him to death. He never betrayed us, he took our names with him. The head peacekeeper had his second retrieve a large wooden block and a long thick sword. The second positioned the butcher.

The Head Peacekeeper stepped to the left of the block and spoke. _"If you sentence a man to die you must be willing to complete the task. If you can not maybe the man should not die." _

The Head Peacekeeper raised his sword, the cut was clean, the mans head rolled silently across the grass. I watched the blood spray and pool, in the moonlight it was not red, it was a deep grotesque purple. I pronounced my first death sentence that day. I vomited there in the square, and the angry young man I would become was born.

My quiet reflection is interrupted by tinkling laughter. It Greasy Sae and her daughter. There is much speculation that the child's father was my brother Veiner. Greasy won't say. I always make sure Greasy has meat for her stew. I make sure she gets more than fair value when we trade. I keep sweets in my pocket for the child. My mother keeps the child in dresses and ribbons.

The sun is starting to rise, soon my safe harbor will become an oven. I smell coffee wafting up from the bakers stall. He sends his youngest son to sell day old items to the miners on the way to the mine. I swing down just to the left of my mothers stall, toss the boy a coin and wait for my coffee and roll. When he hands me my cheese roll and coffee, I slip him a second coin and whisper make sure she eats. He barely nods and his smile never fully curves. But the first coin was enough to cover the bill for both meals.

The boy hides a cheese roll for me twice a week. If his mother knew she would lock him in the extra proofing box. Its a room the size of a sheet tray, it is dark, damp and over one hundred degrees. He works the hob now for his protection. She almost killed him, he burnt a tray of Christmas breads. He was in there for three days, the healer barely saved him. His dad moved him to the hob after that. The second coin is for him, he is in love.

I head out of the hob, my next stop will be Torn's still. I stop drinking my coffee when the cup is half full. Torn won't take her white liquor to the hob today. Spirits and the reaping mixed can get ugly. Torn is adjusting valves on the still, she looks up, I flip her a coin.

She flips it back _"I don't sell liquor on reaping day. "_

I looked straight at Torn _"The odds are not in my favor, I won't be coming home tonight, maybe never." _

Torn picked up a ceramic jug. It was her personal stash. It was said that jug had been in the family for centuries, it came from an ancestor named Jack. She filled my coffee cup. Torn ran her hand along my jaw. She had never touched me before. She leaned against my chest, stood on her tip-toes and kissed me. I was stunned, I hadn't moved, I hadn't kissed her back. She turned and ran, over her shoulder she yelled _"stay alive."_

It is ten the reaping is at two. I head home to bathe. I finish my coffee, feeling more in my own skin. I am going to use one of our two rain barrels it is selfish but I want to feel like me only clean when I leave. I will be leaving everything behind. I didn't want to owe anyone, some how her kiss seems to put me in Torn's debt.

I am not shy, I strip down and climb into the rain barrel. Its warm from the sun, my muscles relax. I go over my life checking the lose ends. It has been a rough year since the last games. The talk of rebellion is getting worse. The peacekeepers are torturing people and asking questions later, often too late. There are curfews, and peacekeepers on patrol all night. I lost one of my brothers to the tension.

Maysilee Donner has been taking sewing lessons from mother. She was working on her dress for the harvest dance. Before they realized the time passing, the sun had set. Anyone under eighteen was forbidden from being on the street without an adult after dark. I wanted to walk her myself, maybe I'd manage the courage to tell her how I felt. I wasn't eighteen , and I wasn't going to tag along like a lost pup.

Mom, had Rainer walk her. He was walking in the alley behind the shops, headed home, it was more protected from the winds. Some young peacekeeper had jumped him. Maysilee had seen the attack from her bedroom window. They accused him of trying to break into the grocery. He had been whipped in the square before Maysilee could reach him. He died from the infections. The real message from the peacekeeper was _"Seam boys stay away from the merchant girls."_

The mine collapse had taken my father, my remaining brothers and many friends just a week later. The east mine was closed. They were alternating teams. Everyone worked a little at the west mine. Many were hungry but few starved. It was during this time I found a safe reliable exit to the forest. I took over all the hunting dividing the haul between the three families. I take an extra portion for the extra risk. I spread the extra around the seam. Like the bread boy, he takes care of me, so I take care of him. Its business I owe no one. No one is my friend. I have already learned, freedom doesn't exist, everything costs and no one is safe. I rarely smile, I see everything. I forget nothing, ever, I am not forgiving.

Jaxon, Cedaris and I do not even speak in the District. We have all seen and lost too much. We meet deep in the woods and only on Sunday. The small building by the lake has been kept by the Everdeen men since the rebellion. It is said to be where rebels meet to plan. We think we are rebels. Cedaris charms the mockingjays, Jaxon sharpens our weapons and I clean our kills. We rage against the Capitol. We have no idea what true rebellion is or what it really costs.

I reflect on the fact that I will have to kill in the arena. I have already killed. The head peacekeeper who killed the butcher. A hot summer night I climbed the tree next to his house. Slipped onto the balcony, in the door, it was open to let a breeze through. I woke him with the tip of the knife to his throat. When I saw the recognition in his eyes I slit it clean. He never made a sound. The news footage showed only a pure black shadow. Some suspected it was me. The blood spilling from the wound haunts my nights, but I have no remorse over his death.

I pull myself from the water. Find my outfit hanging over the footboard of the bed. I slip on the navy trousers and light blue shirt. I have one last stop. I go straight to the cemetery. The family stone, I run my hand across its face, all the dead are simply listed on the stone. I read aloud from the list _"Paul, John, David, Tink, Jinx, Veiner, and Rainer."_ they are the latest additions, only Veiner and Rainer are actually buried here, the mine ate the rest. I sit, just lost, for the rest of my time. Many things haunt me but nothing gives me joy. Seven men, all gone, all their lives over, will I join them before this is game is finished. The horn blasts its warning, thirty minutes. I head for the square.

I register and find myself in the boys corral. I stand with the other sixteen year old's. I don't look like most of them, most of them still look like scrawny boys. I scan the crowd, a few of us look like men. We stand out in the sea of children. I know each and every one of the others by name.

The stage has only three seats. One for the Mayor, one for Ezera the District twelve Escort, the last for Samme Hedgestone, the only district twelve tribute to ever become Victor. The Mayor stands to speak. It is the standard reading, I pay no attention.

Samme is a small woman, few highlights of her win ever play. I wonder how much help she could actually be. She is dressed simply. Her hair, as dark as a moon less night, is pulled back severely from her face. It is held by several long pins in a silver cage at the back of her head. Her face is too thin and her eyes too large. She looks much like the China dolls in the luxury shop window, the kind only the merchants daughters have. Her dress a soft floral print, I recognize it as one I saw my mother sewing last week. She was only thirteen when she had won the thirty third hunger games seventeen years ago. Until you looked into her eyes she still looked thirteen.

Ezera is fairly new to the job as escort. She replaced Jars after the forty five games. She is tall for a woman, but very thin for one from the Capitol. With her finery stripped away she would probably pass for an underfed waif from the seam. Her hair appears to be metallic in color and sheen. Strips of gold, silver and copper. But it is held off her face by two simple braids, the rest flows down her back. Her eyes are so pale blue they appear grey. Her makeup is simple, the only hint of capitol extravagance are the tattoo's that run from her temple, down the side of her face and neck to disappear over her shoulder down her back. From a distance they appear to be simple. irregular spots, but once in a close up I thought they looked like leopards skin. Her dress is a silk brocade of pale pink and sage green. Honestly, in the grotesque distortion that defines Capitol beauty, she seems to be the exception, the real thing, a true beauty.

As the Mayor drones on I start to look for her in the girls corral. I want to be watching her face when my name is pulled from the reaping ball. Will she even care? Will, she look at me differently if I am a tribute? Will she consider me good enough if I come home a Victor?

Now it is Ezera speaking, she is using that high pitched Capitol voice, looking at her I am sure it is unnatural. As she yells the standard ladies first I return to scanning the girls. I still haven't found her as Ezera pulls and reads the first name. Ruthie Tabernacle, I hear the scream first, when I find the screaming girl, she is way to the back. Her fist are balled in the skirts of a girl only slightly taller. Her head pulled up against the older girls chest. The crowd has opened forming a path to the stage. The girl is moving now. She is but twelve years. I go back to looking for her, the only one that matters to me.

I finally find her, she is there in the group of merchant girls. The blond heads and blue eyes seem to define the group. Just as our eyes meet I hear Ezera's voice again. Maysilee Donner. I have only felt this way once before, eerily it was in this same square. I see her register the shock, her mouth opens perfectly round, I do not hear the sound. The air has left my lungs and my own scream is stuck in my head. I vomit for only the second time in my life.


	2. Chapter 2 reaped

_**REAPED**_

Cedaris and Jaxon pull me to my feet and away from the mess. I try to regain my composure, now I will be in the games even if I have to volunteer. The odds were not in my favor. It is Cedaris voice that brings me back.

_"What is wrong with you? She got your brother killed!"_

My rage boils over _"A Peacekeeper killed my brother! " _my fist landed squarely across Jaxon's jaw. The three of us brawl until peacekeepers brake it up. All of Panem is going to see it now.

This was not good! I had no intention of drawing the careers attention, now that was going to happen, like it or not. The peacekeeper who has pulled me off Cedaris still restrains me. I stop struggling and look up. There the 6 of us are on the big screen. It is surreal, as if the image is someone else, some where else, some other time. The three young men's faces are so angry, the peacekeepers simply impassive. None of them are small but held by the peacekeepers they seemed to shrink. Ezera's voice brakes the moment. The reality takes my breath away for the second time this day. If I had never seen the look of rebellion, it would still be clear.

_"Were getting off schedule, please."_ Ezera walked towards the boys reaping ball. Her eyebrows looked knit together, lines are formed on her forehead. It is clear she is unnerved but her voice did not betray her. I review my options. Volunteer as soon as the first boys name is pulled? I am smart I can figure this out. It would be better to be reaped than volunteer. I will wait if my name isn't reaped, I will volunteer. Her affected voice calls out _"Sage Sae."_ Was this day going to get any worse?

Sage is Greasy's fourteen year old brother. I find him as he walks head up, no tears, nothing, his eyes are cold. I find Greasy in the crowd. She holds the girl close to her chest. Her face is held tight, I can feel her screaming from here, but she isn't making a sound. Odd how people in district twelve can scream in silence. Should I save the little girls other uncle? I weigh the truth, Sage is 14, a lot of his family is still alive. Most are disabled from mine work. He collects tesserae for 10 just like me. But, my volunteering now won't keep him out of the reaping ball next year. By the time he is 18 he will have 77 entries. The odds will never be in his favor. What am I going to do?

Now Sage stands on the stage. He is half way between the podium and the reaping ball. He stands in the position peacekeepers use at rest. Hands crossed behind his back, shoulders back, feet firmly on the ground beneath his shoulders. My respect for the boy grows by the moment. I will stick to my plan.

I look to the other side of the podium, Maysilee and Ruthie hold hands. I can see that their fingers are so tightly entwined that they are turning an odd bluish grey. Tears flow down both faces, but neither makes a sound. The contrast between the two girls is startling. Maysilee's blond hair shines, it is wavey, held back in a pink ribbon soft at the nape of her neck. Her skin is porcelain, the tears streak her cheeks, she is even paler than usual. Her blue eyes are glistening, the tears flowing over the rims, puffy and red already. She looks so young, so small, so innocent my heart almost stops.

I recognize the dress she wears. She has been working on it with my mother for the last two weeks. It is soft pink, it falls gently around her. Its trimmed in velvet at the collar, cuffs, and her slender waist. The white collar of her dress is held closed by a pin. It looks like a bird of some sort from here. It only helps to bring my attention to her slender neck, the curve of her chin.

Then Ezera is talking again. Her voice finally pierces my skull _"Heymitch Abernathy."_ Finally something goes as planned on this wretched day. I straighten my shoulders, it takes a moment for the peacekeeper holding me to realize that it is my name that has been called. It is odd how a path opens so quickly in what just moments ago was a sea of boys. It is over, who's children will be lost has been determined. You can feel the relief in the crowd.

Once I reach the stage I search for my mother. I am the second son reaped from her care. My sister stands beside her, one arm around mothers waist the other holding her arm. My mothers face is absolutely expressionless. Tears escape my sister control, along with small choking sounds. The Tailor and his son stand on the other side of mother. His arm slides firmly around her shoulders, he brushes his lips over her hair as he pulls her under his shoulder. He clearly loves her. He holds his young sons hand, clasping it tightly. He has just glimpsed his worse nightmare.

I have said my goodbyes, they will not come into the Justice Building. We all went to Veiner together. It was ghastly, mother and sister wailing, my father pacing and saying _"please come home,"_ my brothers and I sitting silently. Now only the three of us are left. Since the day Veiner was reaped, we have gone from 10 to 3. They cannot go through that room again. I am not sure how I will endure the memories.

The Mayor starts reading the Treaty of Treason, it is long and boring. I cannot continue to dwell on my family. I look to Cedaris and Jaxon. Both have pulled their emotions under control. Their faces have gone still, their eyes dead. No, we don't look like the boys we should be. We are men, each of us responsible for a family. Our lives have been irrevocably changed and the games have yet to begin.

We met at the lake Sunday last, it is hard to believe only two days have passed. I had worked our trap line and hunted along the way. I brought the makings of a feast with me from the Hob. This was the last time we would be together before the reaping, maybe the last time ever. Neither Cedaris or Jaxon know that they are no longer at risk, at least not this year. We are relaxed and easy in each others company. Jaxon builds a fire as I clean the two rabbits we will roast.

Cedaris has a natural affinity for wood and music. We have a hiding spot near the lake, we each keep our most personal possessions there. Cedaris has pulled out an ancient book, it contains very old music. The songs are all war tunes from battles and rebellions past. If we were found with it we would be executed but just being in the woods would reap the same fate. He pulls the fiddle he recently finished building from its hiding. The strains from the strings and his rich voice fill the block house.

_**"When Johnny comes marching home again Hurrah! Hurrah!**_

_**We'll give him a hearty welcome then Hurrah! Hurrah!**_

_**The men will cheer and the boys will shout The ladies they will all turn out And we'll all feel gay**_

_**When Johnny comes marching home."**_

Cedaris barely finished the first verse, when his voice cracked. It was a first. When Cedaris sang even the birds stopped to listen. He tossed the fiddle, stood, headed towards the door, stopped and began pounding his fist into the wall. Jaxon and I just stared for a moment.

Cedaris, stopped, he looked at the two of us and simply stated _"if one of us is marched off we are not likely to return."_

To this point none of us had acknowledged that this might be our last Sunday. His statement drew the air out of the room. None of us seemed able to catch our breath or our thoughts.

I had to do or say something, I almost told the truth, as cocky as I could sound, I joked _"Either of you weaklings get reaped, I'll jump up and volunteer." _

Jaxon laughed but it never reached his eyes _"Yah right and have your mother skin you alive before you even made it to the train."_ Silence fell across the room again. Our thoughts were heavy and dark.

Cedaris put the fiddle and the book back in their keeps. I dumped the contents of my sack. Jaxon smirked, joking aloud _"Our families could live a week on that!"_ I did laugh aloud as I replied _"But it will barely fill the hollow of a teenage boys stomach." _There were a dozen soft rolls, a large hunk of goat cheese, a mess of greens, strawberries, three very small chocolates and a bottle of dandelion wine. When the squirrels were cooked we sat down to feast.

We made jokes about the peacekeepers, in that affected Capitol accent. We mocked the recently _**"elected" **_President Snow. We raged at the excesses of the Capitol. We went on and on until we could no longer ignore talking about it.

I started _"Its going to be me you know. I can feel it in my bones." _My voice is almost non existent, I can't lift my eyes from my feet.

All of us know I am rarely wrong when my gut screams at me. Before the sun started to set we had worked it all out. I had shared my secret of the fence and the mine collapse. We had agreed to take care of the three families for each other.

As we crossed the meadow I whispered _"May the odds," _

their voices came back as one_ "ever be in your favor."_

It was the last I had seen either of them before we all stood together and fought on this 50th reaping day.

My attention went back to the Mayor. He was only at the history of the Hunger Games. He still had to read the names of the tributes and winners from each games. We were about to hear 1,176 names. 49 victors only 1 from district 12, 1,127 victims 97 from district 12. My brother Veiner will be on that list, almost everyone in the square has a relative or ancestor on that list.

I couldn't listen I looked up at the screen where the image of the stage was projected. My eye was drawn to Ruthie. She is beyond tiny, she can't weigh as much as a sack of grain. Her hair is black, it hangs in strings. She has a gash above her right eye, and a bruise on her left cheek. Her eyes are grey and cloudy, her skin pasty and yellow. She must be a community kid. I keep looking at her. Everywhere you look her bones are jutting out. She wears a simple white shift dress, it is thread bare and almost transparent. I have never seen a body this thin that wasn't dead. I can't look at her any longer, I turn my eyes to Maysilee.

Tears still run steadily down Maysilee's face. There seems to be no recognition going on. Her face is blank, she doesn't make a sound, she doesn't shake with sobs, nothing but those silent tears. I want to pull her into my arms, hold her tight, and kiss away all her pain. But she doesn't know that. She has never once acknowledged I am alive.

Every merchants daughter learns to sew. Most of them come to my mother for lessons. Most only learn the basics of mending and the decorative arts. The first time Maysilee came to the house she was with her twin Junelle. They both came twice a week that winter. We were 8. I would tend the fire just to hear her laugh. Maysilee's fingers were much more adept at the stitches than Junelle's. But my mother helped them both with patience. Maysilee often made jokes and lightened the mood for her sisters benefit.

My brothers all were twins, I saw that same bond between them. I was jealous, jealous that my brothers had each other, that Junelle had Maysilee. I wanted someone, I wanted Maysilee.

By the second winter Maysilee came alone. My mother shared her most prized possession with her. It was the family quilt. It has been in the family since before the founding of Panem. There is a square for each family member of the keeper of the quilt. Each keeper adding her family to the quilt. She would tell the stories of the other squares passing on the history. Maysilee learned to quilt that winter. I heard the stories through her eyes as she asked mother questions. I melted paraffin for them to dip their fingers, dry and cracked from producing thousands of tiny precise stitches, into. And I dreamed of a life with Maysilee, as my wife, as the next keeper of the quilt.

The next winter the daughter of the apothecary joined the lessons. Soon there was a group of six. I avoided them as much as they avoided me. I would sit in the kitchen and try to study for school. Mostly I was bored, two of the merchant sons paid me to do their homework. Brainless fools. But at least it kept my mind off Maysilee. But, really it didn't. The Anthem interrupted my thoughts.

Then the Mayor had us all shake hands. That's when I first heard it. Cedaris was whistling taps. The peacekeeper grabbed my arms walking me into the building. The last sounds I heard were Jaxon joining in. My friends were saying goodbye. Only the three of us would know the song. It is from the ancient book. The words can have many interpretations.

Day is done, gone the sun, From the hills, from the lake, From the skies. All is well, safely rest, God is nigh.

Go to sleep, peaceful sleep, May the soldier or sailor, God keep. On the land or the deep, Safe in sleep.

Love, good night, Must thou go, When the day, And the night Need thee so? All is well. Speedeth all To their rest.

Fades the light; And afar Goeth day, And the stars Shineth bright, Fare thee well; Day has gone, Night is on.

Thanks and praise, For our days, 'Neath the sun, Neath the stars, 'Neath the sky, As we go, This we know, God is nigh.

The peacekeeper practically throws me into the room. I can not breathe. I open the window. The Mockingjay's are continuing to carry the haunting melody. I shed a single tear.


	3. Chapter 3 confusion on the train

_**CONFUSION ON THE TRAIN**_

The sound of the Mockingjay is haunting. I can't shake the ghosts in this room. I pace, it brings my father to mind. I try to sit down, I am simply too restless. I am startled by the door opening.

Torn's tear streaked face is my first sight. She walks straight to me. I remember the kiss by the still. If she kisses me again, I am going to kiss her back. When she presses her face into my chest, I fold my arms around her We stand like that for a long time. She pulls away, takes my hand and pulls me to the couch.

We sit side by side. She reaches in her pocket, she pulls out a small silver flask. She hands it to me, pulls her legs up and once again rests her head on my chest. I feel a strange warmth pass through me. I look at the flask, mostly to distract myself from how Torn feels up against me. Its silver, it is engraved but it is very worn. You can read the name Jack, the next line has 09 - 05 but the year is worn away, most of the last line is worn away only the year 1911 remains.

Her soft voice brings me back. _"I want you to take it with you. I know you can't have it in the arena. But till then and after."_

I want to say there may not be an after. Instead I open the flask, take a deep swig and hand it to Torn. She takes a swig and hands it back. I put it in my pocket. I can't sit here any longer. This is to confusing. I start to pace again.

She reaches into her other pocket, she pulls out a perfect copper ring. It has a Mockingjay engraved in a simple band. She grabs my arm to stop me. She hands it to me. I slip it on my finger, I play with it. Spinning it mindlessly, just staring at it. Again her voice brings me back.

_"The copper is from my still, my brother did the engraving. Its for luck. I really meant it when I said 'stay alive'." _

I found myself reaching for her. I pull Torn up against me. I kiss the top of her head, her face, her mouth. I didn't ever want to stop. She is kissing me back just as desperately.

She pulls away just before the peacekeeper opens the door.

Her parting words "_You don't have any idea the effect you have, do you?"_ She follows him out.

She left quietly, glancing just once over her shoulder. I am dumbfounded. I have never kissed any girl, I never thought about kissing any girl but Maysilee, but now my mind is filled with Torn. I start to pace again. In reality it is only a few moments but it seems like forever before the peacekeeper comes to get me.

I am walked to the waiting car. The windows are dark, the interior is leather. There are two bench seats in the back, facing each other. I am pushed in beside Sage, directly across from Maysilee. It is a short ride to the train station. None of us speak. Maysilee has stopped crying, but her misery is clear. I can feel her looking me over. I want to know what she was thinking. Worse, I want to know if Torn is still watching. The car has to slow, the peacekeeper not driving gets out and disperses the crowd.

When we arrived at the platform cameras are everywhere. They train the lenses on our faces. Both of the girls look frightened, Sage and I looked angry. It takes a long time to get from the car to the train. The reporters shoot questions at all of us. Ezera and Samme answer or deflect them, the tributes are silent. We enter the train. Each of us is assigned a room.

I look at my reflection in the mirror. A purple bruise is raising on my cheek where Jaxon landed a solid punch. There is a small smear of blood under my nose, there are more drips on my shirt. I pull the small flask from my pocket, it fits perfectly in my palm, I run my fingertips over the cool surface. What was she thinking, why now? Torn?

My compartment is large. I have my own bathroom, there is hot and cold running water. I fill the large tub with water as hot as I can stand. I sink in, just my head and shoulders are above the water. There is a light knock on the door. It is Ezera's voice, but different, it is soft calm and almost soothing, there is no Capitol inflection or shrillness. _"Dinner in one hour. Be on time or deal with me."_ I soak as long as I dare.

Pulling myself from the water, I take another hard look at my reflection. I am well fed for a child from the seam. I am fairly tall, my frame is filled out. I have well defined muscles from the work in the woods, at the hob and around the house. My shoulders are broad and my waist is trim. My legs are sturdy. My hair is dark, my eyes grey, my nose is straight and strong, I have a cleft in my chin. I am satisfied with the way I look, but wonder for the first time what others see.

I open the drawer and find an assortment of clothes. I choose simple black pants and a black t-shirt. I spin the band around my finger, the engraved Mockingjay. The haunting melody of taps comes back. The way the three of us looked on that screen, so young yet so hard, angry and rebellious. I shake my head, run my fingers through my hair, run my hand over my face, take a deep breath and pull my self together. I head to the dining car for dinner.

There are several tables in the dining car, they seat between two and eight people. They are set with real China and crystal. I am the first to arrive. I take a moment to decide where to sit. I choose a table by the windows for four and sit down. A waiter from the capitol pours ice water into a glass with a stem. I have never seen water to drink with ice in it before. A different waiter places a bowl of creamy cucumber soup in front of me.

I hear Samme enter before I see her. I am startled by her appearance. The lost little girl of a Victor is gone. She wears a flame red silk blouse and a black skirt. The skirt stops just past her butt, exposing her shapely legs, she has on high heeled shoes, I have only seen in capitol propaganda. Her hair is lose cascading down her back it is longer than her skirt. Her makeup ages her face some. She chooses the seat directly across from me.

It is Ruthie who arrives next. She has on a long shirt with a belt, her small feet are bare. Obviously everything was too big for her. She looks clean, her skin even looks a little brighter. She takes a seat at a table for two. She seems perched on the chair as if she could bolt at any moment. The waiter brings her a tall glass with a thick brown liquid in it and pours her water.

Maysilee arrives, she has on soft pink pants, they gather around her waist, falling gently over her hips. She has on a plain white t-shirt, it clings to her, her breasts are perfectly shaped by the soft material. She looks around the room. Her gaze lingers on Samme, scans quickly over me finally resting on Ruthie. I want to call out for her to join us, but my throat closes and I can't speak. She sits with Ruthie.

We hear Ezera lecturing Sage about the importance of staying on schedule. They enter together, Ezera keeps talking never even pausing. Sage sees all of us looking, his face goes red and his eye are focused on his feet. She puts her hand on his back and pushes him towards me. He takes the seat beside me, his eyes trained firmly on his plate. Ezera sits next to Samme.

The empty bowl in front of me is replaced with a decadent salad. Fresh greens, nuts, berries, dried fruits, cheese even seasoned small cubes of bread. Finally I look up, her face is amazing. Ezera's eyes are the palest blue I have ever seen, but they have a thin ring along the outer edge, it is the deepest blue, it sparkles like sapphires. Her skin appears a sun kissed bronze. Her spots do indeed resemble a leopard, they are varying deeper tones of the same bronze as her skin. They looked natural not actually tattoo'd on. They run in a path around her hairline, very narrow along her forehead, around the edge of her cheek, along her neck, over her shoulder and disappear into her shirt. Her lips are soft pink and they look moist. She wears a simple green sweater, her hair radiates on the dark background. Why am I thinking about what it might be like to kiss her? I have never kissed a girl before today, now it seems to be my first thought every time I look at one. I run my hand through my hair. I feel the ring against my head and my thoughts are back on Torn.

When the soup is placed in front of Sage he reaches for it. I grasp his wrist and hand him a spoon. _"We will not act like animals until it becomes absolutely necessary."_

Both Sage's and Ezera's eyes widen in surprise. Samme looks at me with interest for the first time. I help Sage with his silverware throughout the feast. I have never seen so much food. I miss the taste of fresh game. There is not much conversation.

When we finish, Ezera stands and speaks._ "The replay of the reaping is in fifteen minutes. Be in the TV room. Be on time." _

Maysilee practically bolts from the room, I wonder what is wrong. I notice Ruthie is moving slowly, her gash and bruise are worse than I remember. I want to take the wistful look off her face.

We gather in the TV room. Ezera sits in one chair and Samme in the other. The only space left is a small couch. I sit at one end, Maysilee comes in and sits at the other, she seems to pull herself as far from me as she can. Sage settles between us, Maysilee seems to relax, I feel that familiar pang of jealousy. Ruthie is last, there are no seats left. I reach out my hand and pull her onto my lap. She is trembling, I run my hand down her back, then rub circles at the top. It reminds me of my sister, Brie, this is how I calm her from nightmares. Ruthie settles in and I can't help but compare her to Brie. Ruthie is actually smaller than Brie, and Brie is but seven years. Her breath calms and she rests in the crook of my arm. Thinking of her fate makes me want to scream. We are all on time.

The screen comes on. The commentators face fills the screen, her skin the color of sea water, there are gold and silver curly cues tattoo'd around her eyes and across her forehead. Her hair is swept up in a series of curls, it is the same color as her skin by her face fading to silver tips. Her eyes are the same color as her skin, and her lips are only slightly darker. She looks like a turbulent crashing wave. The effect is startling beautiful even if totally unnatural. The Anthem began to play.

For the first time since the stage in the square, where she welcomed the crowd, I hear Samme speak. Her voice is as different from the girl in the square as her appearance.

_"Ignore the careers and any bigger tributes. Pay attention to the others, think about how you can use them to stay alive." _Her voice is pitched low, it commands obedience, it is almost militant.

Now this woman has my attention. _"Only one person is getting on a train and coming home. It will be one of you, I won't have it any other way so start getting tough and paying attention._"

Ruthie starts to tremble again, tears run down Maysilee's face, Sage seems to cease breathing, I look Samme straight in the eye. I know she means me, now I am the one who can't breath. My expression never changes, I never stop rubbing Ruthie's back, I don't look away. Nothing changes, but everything is different.

I am myself, there is no one else I can be. I have always paid attention to every detail. Its what makes me an efficient tracker, a ruthless hunter, and a shrewd trader. The parade of districts begins. I haven't made an attempt to analyze the tributes since Veiner was reaped. I try to push Veiner out of my mind.

The stage in District one is huge, it is made of highly polished wood. There are several rows of seats, all but the front row is filled. There is a podium but there are no reaping balls. When the cameras pan the crowd it is like a party. The atmosphere is wrenching, why has District one bought into the capitols sick thinking. The District one Escort is a short round man. His suit and skin both sparkle like fresh snow. His voice is the standard shrill voice of the capitol. _"Introducing our ladies First: Ruby Blader."_ She is tall, a good five inches taller than the Escort. She is broad shouldered, heavily muscled. Her hair is red and her eyes brown. Her parents flank her, they walk to the end three seats, her parents sit, she stands exactly as Sage had, in front of her chair. That voice rings out again. I tune out the commentators voice. And watch the tributes. The second girl is shorter, her hair is the color of wheat, her eyes gold and brown. She is muscular too, but she seems more supple. Her parents sit and she stands. The boys are a set of brothers they are introduced together. Typical District one brutes, both have blond hair in a halo of ringlets and brown eyes. The taller ones eyes look cold, they have seen too much, the rage is locked tight beneath the ice. His movements are metered precise. The shorter ones eyes are hot with rage, his hands clench in and out of fists, he can barely maintain his position in front of his chair. I decide the shorter boy is a liability to the Career pack.

The stage in district two is smaller. There are several seats with Victors sitting beneath the large screen. Again there are no reaping balls, there are no stairs, there is only the running lanes from each side of the town square and the artificial climbing wall at the front of the stage. Their host steps to the podium. She looks like a hot pink Peacekeeper, it is completely outrageous, her hair is even shaped into their helmet. Her voice rings out ladies first. three girls are running down each walkway, I see a girl on the left pull the girl in front of her down by her braid, landing a booted foot squarely on her back. She never lost her stride, never slowed down. She launches herself as far up the wall as she can. The third girl is right on her heels. The lead girl makes the top of the stage, plants her feet in the girl behind her shoulders and pushes her from the wall. It is at that moment that I notice the two girls are identical. A girl at the right makes the stage before the girl on the left can recover. If she hadn't been pushed, the girl looking up cursing her sister would be the second tribute. The boys race is much the same, although it is less viscous, no one is thrown to the ground, no one is run over or kicked, it is purely a race. The four tributes stand shoulder to shoulder, they are all within an inch in height, they are heavily muscled, both girls medium brown hair is in a single braid, the boys is buzzed to their heads, they wear sleeveless Black Peacekeeper training suits.

The District three reaping is much more familiar. There are the two large clear reaping balls, the camera scanned the crowd, most of those in the holding pens appeared small and frail. I notice one boy, he is midway back in the group. He stands, his arms across his chest, his head up, eyes clear cold and untroubled. I recognize the look, it is the one I would have worn, if I had not fought with my best friends. He has decided that the odds are not in his favor and he will be reaped today. I wonder if he will volunteer. The first girls name is pulled. She screams, she holds tight to the girl beside her, a peacekeeper actually has to carry her to the stage. The second girl doesn't make a sound, she holds her hands together wringing them, but there is no screaming no tears. The boy I spotted is the first name pulled, he walks with resolve unhurried to the stage, the other boy is unremarkable.

It goes on and on, forty eight tributes is a lot. Finally, they reach District twelve. Ruthie's name is pulled, you see her make her way to the stage. The second name is drawn, the camera is on Maysilee, then the view splits and I am on my knees vomiting. No one here saw it earlier, Maysilee screams and runs from the room. I want to chase her, pull her to me, explain. But Ruthie is still on my lap, and she is trembling again. Samme looks at me, she seems to be assessing the effect of my feelings for Maysilee. The fight is on the screen. Then you can see us on the big screen behind the stage, being held by the Peacekeepers. I am in the middle, my face betrays me, I am angry and rebellious. My jaw is tight, my eyes cold and unmoving. Sage is walking to the stage, I never flinch, I never move. Then my name is called. I shrug off the Peacekeeper and walk to the stage. My back is ramrod straight, my fists are balled at my sides and ice water runs in my veins. Before the tape cuts to President Snow you can hear the first strains of Cedaris whistling. I can feel Samme watching me but I can't stop the single tear. Ezera follows Maysilee out of the room.

Snows speech is long and drawn out. Maybe it is that it is his first Hunger Games, maybe its the quell or maybe he just likes to hear himself speak, I just want to be done and get out of this room. During Snow speech Ruthie has drifted off to sleep in my arms. I reposition her against me and get to my feet. Ezera has returned from Maysilee's room. Our eyes meet over Ruthie's head, she puts her finger across her lips and motions for me to follow. We reach Ruthie's room, Ezera pushes the door open, I carry Ruthie in, settle her in the bed, pull the covers over her and turn to leave. Her little hand grabs my leg almost sending me sprawling. I look at Ezera shrug my shoulders and perch on the edge of Ruthie's bed. I gently rub her back, I can feel Ezera just watching me. Then she is gone, I stay with Ruthie for a long time, finally she makes no noise when I stand to go.

The train is quiet as I make my way back to my room. Light only shines under one door, fretful cries are muted, I am sure it is Samme's room, that she is having nightmares. I walk by, I am not ready to face a Victor's nightmares. I reach for the silver flask, I run my fingers over the engraving, it feels solid, real, the way only some thing that has endured great time and hardship can. I take a long swig and then another. I strip and crawl into bed,

My dreams are a jumble. Torn's face is prominent, the tears staining her checks, the smile over her shoulder as she ran, her lips right up against mine. Veiner dying, the twisted body's from the mine explosion, Maysilee's mouth screaming. For a short night it seems to go on forever.


	4. Chapter 4 an angry young rebel

_**AN ANGRY YOUNG REBEL**_

There's a knock at my door and Ezera uses her Capitol affectation to yell _"Its a big, big, day. Breakfast in thirty minutes. Don't be late."_ I laugh out loud, after having heard Ezera speak normally the affectation almost seems self mocking. I find a pair of navy pants and a white sweater, I don't bother with shoes. I head for the dining room, but go back and grab the flask.

Once again I am the first to arrive, there is only one table set. We will all eat together this morning. I sit down, at once the waiter sets a huge platter in front of me. I ask him to stay, I fish the flask back out of my pocket. I hand it to him and ask _"could you get this refilled please." _The young man unscrews the top and takes a sniff. He smiles almost, nods and leaves. Ruthie wanders in still rubbing her eyes. She sits next to me, she grabs my hand and squeezes, she whisperers "I've _never slept in a bed before. My bones don't hurt". _ln front of Ruthie and slipped the flask back into my hand. This time it is Ruthie I stopped from eating with her hands.

Samme walks in gripping a mug, from the smell its coffee. Its the only sign she had a rough night. She is wearing a long t-shirt as a dress, her legs are bare. Her hair is down, her eyes sparkle, her lips are moist. I spend too much time staring at her lips. She notices, smirks, winks, and laughs "_Maybe if you win." _She takes the seat across from me. Its clear that what ever she is going to say, she will be watching my reaction. When the waiter sets her platter down she asks him something quietly. This time he smiles and nods. When he returns he has two glasses of the thick brown liquid. Ruthie laughs out loud, its a first I think. She grabs the glass and gulps more then half. _"I love chocolate milk, chocolate milk and beds"_ laughing again. I am struck by the irony, Ruthie, a child on her way to certain death finds joy for the first time. I grab the second glass and drink. I join Ruthie in her laughter. I look up and Samme is just scowling at us._ "What? isn't the point of chocolate milk to laugh?"_ I ask.

Maysilee looks like she hasn't slept. Her hands shake, her lip trembles, her chest heaves, her eyes are red, swollen and spill tears. For some reason I want to shake her. I am snarky when I speak_ "Might wanna stop snivelling. The press will eat you alive."_ My comment draws fresh sobs. Somehow, I always thought Maysilee was made of stronger stock. She saw how we live, no, how we survive in the seam, to say live implies hope. She sat in my home for hours, she'd even helped in the kitchen sometimes, she saw it. Where was that girl? The girl who helped my mother mend so they could quilt longer together, where had she gone? I start to pick-up my plate to go back to my room. But that voice Samme used last night is back _"Heymitch sit back down, we have business today. " _She took a breath and addressed Maysilee _"He's rude, but he's right." _Maysilee's eyes were on the food she was simply pushing around, the noises stopped but more tears were falling. Samme wasn't done yet. _"And young lady eat your breakfast. I don't expect to tell you again if there is food you eat. Got it?" _When Maysilee didn't answer, Samme's voice got deeper, quieter and infinitely more menacing _"Got it?"_ She managed a weak, trembling, barely audible _"yes"_ and filled her mouth with eggs.

Once again Ezera is lecturing poor Sage on the importance of schedule as they enter. Samme puts on her best Capitol affect, rolls her eyes, winks at Ezera and shrilly states_ "Miss Ezera you seem to be no more on time than the boy."_ Everyone even Maysilee breaks out in laughter. Sage looks relieved. When his platter arrives he reaches to start with his fingers, but he stops himself, picks up his fork and eats. I actually feel proud of him. The meal is mostly quiet, but really what is there to say when most of us will be dead before the next new moon. The waiters hang closely to the table. Samme has something on her mind but is watching the waiters carefully. She has clearly changed her mind about whatever she was going to say.

Once everyone has eaten Samme directs us back to the TV room. Hunger Game highlights are running on the screen. I find myself once again on that couch with Ruthie on my lap, Sage next to me and Maysilee hanging onto the opposite end like I might kill her here and'sound. She spends the next half hour going over the schedule for today. The importance of time. I am bored out of my mind. I just stare at her face, trying to look interested, thing is I am interested. Not in what she is saying but in her face. Then she gets very quiet _"On the first fuel stop Samme will take you for a walk on the tracks. I'd like you all to get some fresh air and exercise. Be ready."_ Then the last sentence is very loud, shrill and in her best Capitol voice. _"Don't forget we'll be in the Capitol by sunset." _I am sure she is not quite telling the truth. Ezera turns and leaves. I am more confused by her then ever.

Samme is standing now. I look right at her, when our eyes meet, I see a small tremor move through her whole body. She looks at each tribute resolutely before she speaks._ "There are four of you and only one of me. If any of you wants your own mentor I will try to get you one. They will come from District one , two or four they are the only districts where not all Victors are mentoring. The reason they'll do it is the bragging rights they'll get if you win, as well as, a share of the betting. If one of them takes you on they will believe they can get you out. Since, there were no District one two Victors before the thirty third games, I had a District two mentor. I won. This is a decision each of you has to make. Go to your rooms and think about it. Also, think about what skills you already have. I will be by to see each of you in awhile."_ I lift Ruthie from my lap. As I set her on her feet, she wraps her arms around my neck and kisses, my cheek. _"Thank you"_ and she speeds off down the car.

Maysilee rushes to leave, gets her foot caught on Sage's and practically falls in my lap. My hands make a grab to steady her. My left manages to land on her hip, but my right is filled with the soft mound that is her left breast, my vision is filled with a view of her cleavage. Her left hand lands on my shoulder, but her right is squarely in my crotch. I may look and feel like a man, but I am still one six and my body betrays me. I am fully aroused, totally embarrassed and unable to move. Maysilee manages to right herself, slaps my face, and stomps out calling me _"Seam trash."_ I have never felt rage so white hot before.

I drop my hands quickly. Only Sage and Samme remain in the room. Samme's calm voice resonates _"Sage, I can mentor more than one , but only one will come home, think well. Heymitch, could you stay a minute I have question."_ There is relief on Sage's face, she really has given him freedom of choice, without recrimination. He leaves the room, carrying himself very tall. Samme leans over me, her closeness is very unsettling. She runs her hand across my crotch. I push into her hand and groan involuntarily. She stands back, her gaze covers every inch of me. It does nothing to relieve my discomfort. _"Your stylist would do well to keep you naked, but that will be her choice. " _before I can even breath she is gone. I run my hand across my crotch, reach in my pocket pull the small flask, take a deep swig, which brings my mind back to Torn and those kisses. This is not helping, not helping at all, I take a second swig and head for my room.

I strip quickly and take the coldest shower I can deal with. What is happening to me? Yesterday I kissed a girl for the first time, now I have had very close contact with three. This shower isn't doing much good either. I turn the water warm, wash, contemplating my girl issues. I am facing death and all I can think of is girls, pathetic. I get out, I don't bother to dry. I find a pair of soft grey draw string pants, I've only seen this material once or twice, I think its called fleece. I don't put on a shirt or shoes. I find the flask and take another long swig. Samme walks in without knocking _"Your stuck with me whether you like it or not. I won't find you another mentor. And I am bringing you home." _She sounded angry and threatening. She hadn't even waited for my decision. Did she think I would want someone else, someone from a District aligned with the Capitol?

I swing around. I am in no mood for this. I grab her, pick her up, push her up against the wall, shove my knee between her legs, using my whole body to pin her. Between, gritted teeth I growl, _"No, you listen, I am smart, strong, and well trained. I am coming home with or without your help. Your my mentor and you'd better start acting like it. "_ I pushed harder against her, making sure she knew the effect she had. Then I kiss her hard, deep and long. I open the door and throw her into the hall. Two can play at this game. I slam the door and punch the wall. I flop across the bed, shove my hand down the front of my pants, images flood my mind. Torn, Samme, Maysilee and Ezera. I am still laying there as the train slows. I quickly change grabbing jeans, t-shirt and a pair of running shoes. I am ready for our walk at the appointed time.

We all meet in the last car. It has a retractable roof, we could travel in the open air. It is Samme's appearance I find startling. Her hair is in two braids, one on each side of her head, hanging over her shoulders. Her face is scrubbed clean of any makeup, with the exception of her lips which have a soft pink sheen to them. Her dress is a faded blue small floral print, it hangs loose and below her knees. Her sandals are flat, white and strappy. This is not the woman I kissed in my room. The one three year old Victor is back. When the train stops Samme opens the back exit and walks down the stairs. We follow quietly, for about one hundred yards. When a Peacekeeper starts to follow, we stop. We form a lose circle and stretch as Samme directs. She starts to talk in that low commanding tone. _"We're going to be delayed at the next stop. Stay in your rooms, special groomers will join you. Don't object, let them do whatever they want, follow their instructions to the letter. We're going to be the last arriving at the Capitol. This is your first shot at sponsors, make it good."_ We do a few more exercises then jog back to the train, right on time to leave.

Ezera and Samme are in on this together. Otherwise Ezera would have found a way to keep us on schedule. All through the games everything is done one through twelve . Except arrival, where it goes from one two through one . With each arriving train the crowds build, so does the excitement, betting and sponsorship. Districts one & two being the most popular this drives the start of the games. They wanted the bigger sponsors to see us, they wanted the crowd in frenzy, and as much excitement as possible. I wonder what is planned for us. We are excused till lunch. I find one of the staff and have the flask filled again.

Stretched on my bed I ponder. I have watched the games since I was born, I thought I understood what they were about: But, Ezera and her ever changing affectation, Samme looking like a child in public, but a red hot woman when the cameras are gone, a sullen child no larger than my sister clinging to me and laughing out loud, a boy I have known his whole life suddenly carrying himself like a man, a girl I thought I knew and loved acting like a spoiled princess, am I as changed as the rest of them already? What or who will I be on the train ride home? because I will be coming home, there is no other option.

Ezera knocks and screeches _" twenty minutes till lunch, don't be late." _God I hate her Capitol voice. I head for the shower, my daydreams have caused a bit of a mess. I find myself aching again and relieve myself once more in the shower. As I am drying myself, there is a sharp knock and the door opens. I have one hand on each end of the towel, drying my back. I am face to face with Ezera, her mouth forms a perfect O. I hear her breath leave her body, a slight pink flush runs over her bronze skin, her eyes scan my naked flesh. I wrap the towel quickly around my waist before I embarrass myself again. She taps her foot impatiently, her shrillest Capitol voice reprimands me _"Your late, and I am waiting." _She is quicker at pulling herself back together than I am. She just glares at me. I realize she expects me to dress with her standing there. She is punishing me for shaking her carefully controlled reactions. In my mind I start going through the steps to gutting a dear. That should keep my rebellious body under control. I don't rush, I dry carefully, if Ezera is going to watch, well then I will give her a good show. By the time I pull on my black t-shirt she has gone from blush to crimson. But she hasn't looked away.

Ezera is giving me her standard importance of schedule lecture as we arrive at the dining car. Sage shoots me a conspiring smirk. As if to say _"ha, ha, your turn." _I keep a look of bored, tedium on my face, its well rehearsed. I have spent more than my share of time in the principals office. The two empty seats left are between Samme and Maysilee. I take the one beside Samme. We eat mostly in silence, I am not used to this. Until four years ago there had been one 0 of us at the table, even a year ago there were 9. We may have been poor and often hungry, but we had each other. The antics seven boys get into can be quite entertaining if told right. And we often laughed until our sides hurt. Finally, Samme starts to talk _"Sage has decided to seek a separate mentor. I will work on this as soon as we reach the Capitol. Till then we won't talk strategy as a group."_ I speak up, I have already made some decisions and I am not going to give Samme a chance to change my mind._ "I intend to be on the train back. I won't kill a district one two tribute if I can avoid it. All of you are safe from me unless you force my hand. I, however, will not be a target, and if you try to kill me, you will breathe your last breath at my hand. Until, the final 8, I will protect any of you. I will not seek you out, but if you find me, we can be allies. I was the shadow in the Peacekeeper video." _A grimace crosses each tributes face, Samme smirks in understanding, Ezera just looks confused.

Now everyone at the table, except Ezera knows I have killed. It was a very personal killing, I slit the mans throat. That it was the head Peacemaker and I got away. If they do the math they will know I was only ten at the time. Why did I say it? Do I want them scared of me? Samme's hand runs up my thigh, her fingers massage and dance in small circles. Her face is calm and the group is once again silent. We finish our meal as the train begins to slow. Her hand never leaves my thigh. We are expected to return to our rooms, standing and walking is going to be both painful and embarrassing. The train comes to a complete stop just before I reach my room.

Groomer, what the H is that? I have taken care of my personal hygiene as long as I can remember. And other than the typical merchant kid snide remarks, no one has ever told me I was ugly or stank. Ezera's Capitol voice, only with an annoyed twang to it, comes over the speaker _"We will be delayed about three hours and we are still about two and a half hours from the Capitol. Tributes for your own safety please stay in your rooms."_ I chuckle to myself, Ezera sure is good with that voice of hers. From the sound it would be easy to believe she was annoyed by the delay, that is, if you didn't know she was responsible for it. I sprawl on my bed, pull the flask from my pocket and drink.

The train no sooner starts moving again when my door opens and a small woman enters, she is wearing a mechanics coveralls and is carrying a large toolbox. She looks like she could be from District twelve . Her voice however rings clear with the Capitols accent. _"Why are you dressed?"_ As if I were a misbehaved child. I roll to my feet, the world wobbles slightly, perhaps I should be more careful drinking from the flask. She is removing her coveralls, I can't help but stare. At first I think shes naked, but her skin appears too shimmery. When she drops the coverall and turns around, I decide it would be better if she were naked. That shimmering is a completely transparent pale pink body suit, she seems to have a rose bush growing over her skin, flowers cover strategic areas but, that just makes it worse. I am convinced this is just another way the Capitol tortures young male tributes. Once again that horrid Capitol voice _"Your still dressed."_ This time it is an accusation.

I pull my t-shirt over my head. I tuck my thumbs into my waistband and start to turn around. _"Stop right there." _Its clearly a command even with the shrill Capitol accent. _"I am responsible for your body till these games are over, you might as well get over being naked in front of me right now."_ I take a deep breath, steady myself, yank my pants over my hips, drop them to the floor and step forward. _"Good" _she says as she steps up to me. "_My name is Thorn. I am your primary groomer, my sisters Rose and Blossom will complete our team. Angle is your stylist she will give me direction, handle dressing you and the finish work. But, tonight its just me." _Her hands run over every inch of my body as she speaks. She works efficiently without causing any of the embarrassing reactions I have been subject to in the last twenty four hours._ "Well lets get you showered" _she walks into the bathroom. I watch as she hits almost a dozen buttons on the control panel. The walls around the stall retract into the ceiling. After she walks away, I step into to a spray of purplish foam, its warm and kind of tingly. I close my eyes to enjoy the sensation trying to forget Thorn is still in my room. I don't hear her come back into the bathroom, I only know she is behind me when her hands start to massage my shoulders. It is an amazing sensation. She massages the purple foam into my entire body before she turns on a rinse cycle. Before the shower turns off I have been massaged, scrubbed, swabbed, and pummeled. Thorn directs me to a small platform in my dressing room, she has me place my hands on the bars on the side racks. She spreads my feet to shoulder width. There is a mirror directly in front of me, I have never felt so vulnerable in my life.

Thorn touches the mirror in front of me and District twelve 's square appears in a view panel. The image is of Maysilee as she realizes she has been reaped. I can't hold my composure, I slam my right fist into my left palm. Thorn's head snaps around,_ "get your hands back on those bars and don't move again."_ I take a deep breath, remember Samme's instructions, and grab the bars. The next image is me on my knees vomiting, then my fist smashing into Jaxon's jaw, then Cedaris, Jaxon and me in the hands of the Peacekeepers. Slowly the screen zooms in, finally the image is just me, my arms held behind my back, my chest straining forward, my jaw clenched, every thing about me screaming. I can't take it, I leap forward and slam my fist over and over into the image. When I wear myself out Thorn simply points at the platform. I step back into position and grab the bars. She walks over to the wall and flicks a switch, my hands grip the bars tighter, I try to pull away but I can't. The message is clear obey, or be made to obey.

She doesn't speak to me again while she works. I am just as glad for the silence. She has darkened the mirrors so I can't actually tell what she is doing, as she works on my body. She has however left that image on the screen staring back at me. At first I feel completely impotent, but the longer I stand here the more the rage over takes the helplessness. When she finishes Thorn stands, walks around me, checking me from every angle, she is satisfied. She retrieves black fleece pants and a pair of sandals. She pushes a button on the platform and I can move my feet again. I step into the pants, glad I am no longer naked. The sandals are comfortable. She walks around and stops just to the right of me. _"I want you to take one long last look at that young man on the screen. That is who I need you to be every minute until you are back in my care tomorrow."_ Thorn moved out of my view and was perfectly silent. I think through her words over and over as I stare at myself. That is who I am.

Thorn turns off the image. Turns, looks at me and asks if I am ready to see myself. I simply nod. She turns the mirrors back on. The man staring back at me looks beaten. The actual bruise on my cheek has been deepened, my other cheek appears raw and seeping, I have several bruises on my ribs, one is clearly boot shaped, my back is similarly marked, there also appear to be lash marks trailing into my pants. I am astounded by the image we are presenting. If i didn't know, I would believe the injuries. Thorn starts talking again_ "Head up, eyes defiant, walk as if you don't notice your injuries, obey immediately but do not say a word to anyone, and I mean anyone, till I see you. Got it?"_ When I don't answer she reaches up and pulls on my ear till I yelp_ "got it"_ she walks over flips the switch. Then she tells me to walk around and stretch while I can. I am stiff from being held while she worked on me so it feels good, but what did she mean by while I can?

Thorn packs up her tool kit and pulls on her coveralls. She walks over rubs my shoulders. She whispers, _"make it count my young rebel."_ The train starts to slow. She grabs a bag from her kit and motions me to the center of the room. She has me stand with my hands behind my back and feet spread. She shackles me without warning. She does it so quickly and efficiently I can't even react. She slips out of my room without another word. I stand there alone, helpless, wondering what next?


	5. Chapter 5 silent humiliation

_**SILENT HUMILIATION**_

It seems forever before the train is stopped. It seems even longer before my door opens. Time is a strange thing. Run through the woods, hunt, or laugh and time is gone before you have a chance to appreciate it. Stand restrained, alone and helpless even a second seems forever. The Peacekeeper who enters is only slightly larger than myself. He looks me over, standing here, I start to feel impotent and small again. I am intently staring at my feet, my shoulders curled in, making myself as small a target as possible. Then Thorn's words run through my head, you need to be him, _"make it count my young rebel." _I pull my head up, my shoulders back, clear my mind and look the Peacekeeper right in the eye. My eyes look cold, I can tell, I know I look angry and militant. His backhand snaps my head, but I stand steady. Blood runs from my nose. I hear movement in the hall.

The Peacekeeper opens my door moves around behind me and removes the shackles from my ankles. One of his hands comes down on my left shoulder, the other grabs the shackles between my hands. I want to shrug his hands off. Every instinct I have says to fight. His hand jerks down on my wrists, he pushes his thumb into my shoulder. His voice is low and gravelly, I am sure his teeth are clenched and his mouth never moves. _"Take a deep breath and let me help you through this."_ Is it possible this Peacekeeper is just part of the team? I don't respond, other than to slow my breathing.

The procession is lead by Ezera. Her metallic hair is piled high on her in-head, in small curls . Her eyes are highly decorated in gold, she has a row of pink gems along the top of her eyebrow, a row of green gems runs down her nose. Her lips are shiny copper. Her dress is once again pale pink and green brocade. I think my mother would call the style Victorian. Her best Capitol voice rings out _"move along, move along, were already off schedule. "_ I almost smirk, but pull my face back under control. For the first time she really looks like a tribute escort from the Capitol.

Next, the largest Peacekeeper I have ever seen is carrying Ruthie. She looks even younger, smaller and more fragile in his arms. She sits on one of his forearms, her legs dangle, she has an arm around his neck. His other hand rests on her waist, holding her to him, her small hand rests on his arm. Her groomer has removed every trace of the bruise and minimalize her gash. Her skin looks soft pink, her long dark hair shines, the front is pulled back and held in a pony tail, the rest is left long and free. Once again she wears a simple white cotton dress. This time though it is solid, you cannot see her jutting bones. I have never seen a tribute look so much like a sacrificial lamb being taken to slaughter.

Maysilee is next, there are few signs of the traumatized young woman. Her blond hair has been straightened, it is held off her face by a wide gold headband. Her dress is sky blue satin, with royal blue velvet trim. Her makeup is soft and conservative, leaving just a hint of the puffiness and red rim around her eyes. Her fingers appear long and delicate, the nails perfectly oval and pink. She looks every inch the District Merchant Princess she is. She is chatting casually with the Peacekeeper walking her. She looks as if she could be on a vacation trip to the Capitol, rather than being a tribute delivered for the Hunger Games. Just as she passes I see the pin at her throat. It is a bird, a Mockingjay to be exact, its supported by its wings in a gold ring, an arrow in its beak. It reminds me of the ring from Torn. I sigh, the Peacekeepers thumb presses my shoulder again, and he adds more tension on my shackles, pulling my shoulders and straining my arms.

I know Sage will be next, I try to prepare myself for his appearance. I remind myself of my own appearance, how fake the image really is. I am startled by Sage as he passes. His hair has been buzzed close to his head. His face looks chiseled and significantly older. His grey seam eyes are gone, they appear deep blue. He wears a black sleeveless peacekeeper training uniform. His arm muscles are well defined. He walks between two Peacekeepers, both are smaller than usual, but are about the same size as Sage. They talk quietly relaxed, like they have been friends forever. He looks more like a tribute from District two than twelve.

The Peacekeeper at my back presses forward on my wrists and shoulder. We are moving, every fiber in my being wants to struggle, to pull away. But, I do exactly as I have been told. I keep the image, that image, the angry young man from the square in my mind. I focus on just getting through this. We step out into the corridor, Samme is stopped right before my door. She looks exactly as she did on the walk this morning, small, young and vulnerable. She takes a step forward, looks me over, then slaps my face hard. My lower lip splits, I can feel blood ozzing down my chin. I spit at her. The Peacekeeper jerks back on my arms, it hurts like hell. I manage not to react. We walk the twenty feet to the end of the car. I take a deep breath, in two more steps I will be out on the platform. People will see me, see the damaged appearance of my body, see me held, unable to fight, hopefully, they will also see a strong, rebellious man. A man capable of surviving against the odds.

We step out the door, the bright lights, the noise, the heat, the crowd all crush in. Its overwhelming, I feel like a trapped animal. My eyes dart, my stomach turns, my steps are unsure, my shoulders start to sag. I am going to vomit. My Peacekeepers thumb drives into my shoulder, he presses down on my shackles. The pain brings my head up, I try to do what I was told, but I still can only react, I am trying to pull free. He jerks on my arms again. One of the peacekeepers who was walking with Sage stops directly in front of us. It brings me to a sudden stop as well. Now I am trapped between the two. I gulp for air. The Peacemaker holding me is right up against my back. I can't do this I am going to panic, fight, scream anything I can to get away. _"Breathe" _I hear him hiss in my ear. We stand there for what seems like forever. Finally, I have gathered myself. At that moment I realize our whole group has stopped. Ezera is answering a small lavender skinned mans questions. My peacekeeper must have given a signal, as soon as, I have recovered, Ezera wraps it up and were moving again.

It is only three hundred yards from the train platform to the waiting car, it takes us almost an hour to travel the distance. My Peacekeeper is perfectly attuned to my reactions now, every time the humiliation of being helpless threatens to overwhelm me, the stinging pain brings me back. We are stopped, prodded, inspected, and rated. Ezera and Samme are asked a million questions. They never let the reporters actually approach the tributes. So no one actually sticks a microphone in my face, but the gamemakers flunky's are different busy looming over us making commentary and sending reports. It is the most humiliating experience of my life.

When we reach the car I am shoved in head first, I land on the floor at Ezera and Samme's feet. My Peacekeeper climbs in and the door shuts. My hands are still bound, I try to get up but all I manage is to land on my side. I don't know what I expected. Well, actually I expected I would be released once we were away from the station. That I would be one of them again instead of some trapped animal. Then it is Ezera's Capitol voice that gives me some direction. _"Its four minutes to the training center, it is a fifty yard walk from the car to the building, then another ten to the elevators. Once we are on our floor, we are out of the public eye for the night."_ She pulls her foot from her shoe and runs the top of it gently across my jaw. My body blocks it from anyone else's view. I feel reassured. I try to breath slowly and prepare myself for the last leg of this bizarre journey.

I could not prepare for this. When I am pulled from the car we stand on a 4 foot wide glass brick walkway, it is illuminated from below. Peacekeepers line the walk, shoulder to shoulder, the crowd stands twenty deep, there are bleachers three stories high down each side. When I look up I see President Snow, the Head Gamesmaker and about a dozen dignitaries in a private booth. This is the most important fifty yards of the rest of my life. I start to hum taps. I feel my righteous indignation rising, my whole body posture changes, my Peacekeeper feels it. He moves his hands to my biceps and helps me to get ready. I look up, instead of staring at Ezera and the reaping ball, I am staring directly into President Snow eyes. Then me being held by the Peacekeeper is the only image on the big screen behind Snow. I know that image well, it was burned into my brain, white hot rage runs deep, dark cold rebellion haunts my eyes. Still we don't move. Snow can't hold the stare. He breaks the contact between us. We walk, I never waver, I never struggle, and that look and posture never leaves my body. It is by far the hardest thing I have ever done.

When the elevator doors open, all the other Peacekeepers are gone. Ezera, Samme, Sage, Maysilee, and Ruthie stand in a semi-circle around the door. As soon as we step off my Peacekeeper removes the shackles. I stretch my arms and rub my wrist. All I want to do is go to my room shower and forget today. Ruthie has her arms around my waist and her face buried against me. I can feel tears running down my bare skin. I bend down and pick her up, I rub her back, while she cries into my shoulder. I don't say a word. The Peacekeeper has removed his helmet and he looks really familiar. Then it is Samme's smooth deep voice that breaks the silence _"Everyone meet Cossack, he is District two Victor thirty fourth Hunger Games. He is our other mentor. We will be working as a team in training, once the game begins Cossack belongs to Sage. Now, I'll give everyone a tour. We will watch the arrival review in the dining room in fifteen minutes. Attendance is mandatory."_

So Cossack was holding me, really helping me on purpose. Cossack knew what I was going through, he probably mandated it. He helped me look as if they could not succeed in breaking me. He had gotten me through those moments. I bet if he sentenced a man to die he would kill him himself. If there is one thing any Peacekeeper knows, it is how to intimidate, belittle, humiliate and enrage. After all Peacekeepers are manufactured in District 2. He called it perfectly, he knew everyone had seen the rebel in the square, he decided we would capitalize on the image. Not necessarily the strategy I would have chosen, but he pulled it off. I should hate him. He just earned my respect, my trust well that's a different issue. I paid almost no attention to the tour. I know where my room, the meeting room, and the dining room are everything else not so much.

We ended in the dining room. The buffet is full. It has been hours since I ate. Ruthie has finally settled. I set her next to me and hand her an empty plate. We both fill our plates, I take mostly meat and bread, Ruthie chooses mostly sweets. I have never seen so many options all at once. I am still seething with rage. Samme knew what was being done to me, I suspect Ezera did as well. I am glad for the order not to speak and I really don't want to sit next to either of them. Maysilee, Sage and Cossack sit in a row. I can sit next to Cossack or Maysilee or take one of the other chairs. I sit next to Cossack. Ruthie to the rescue, she immediately sits on the other side of me.

Everyone is at the table. The conversation seems focused on the odd people in the train station and the bleachers. I hadn't really seen anyone but the peacekeeper in front of me. But I had felt Cossack holding me, every eye on me. The pity, the wonder, the questions, I didn't need to see them, it burned into me. The screen comes on. It is Caesar Flickerman, in his midnight blue twinkle suit of course. This year his hair has turquoise green, in forty eight shades. He is ghastly, good at his job but ghastly. This will be the usual arrival recap. I really watch it this time. The conversations go on around me. There are plenty of places I could join in, but I remain silent. There were two reporters, three Gamesmaker front men, and maybe thirty citizens when District eleven train pulled in. That's how the platform would have been without our delay. I watch, with each train the crowd doubles so do the reporters and front men. When we pull in the whole place is in a frenzy. By the time the train doors open on screen, my hands are balled into fists and I am barely breathing. Cossack's fingers wrap around my wrist under the table, he pushes his thumb into it hard stinging. I hold on, I continue to watch. Every time I start to lose it Cossack jabs my wrist. The last thing you see is me being shoved head first onto the floor of the car. Cossack lets go of my wrist. They reduced that hour into just 8 minutes.

As Flickerman announces our arrival at the training center, Cassock slides the flask into my hand and grabs my wrist. I shake, I can't help it, my stomach is churning, my head is pounding. On the screen the light is shining up over Cossack and I as we walk. I lose it, I am on my hands and knees vomiting, Cossack is beside me he has a hand on my neck and one on my forehead. Then there are cool rags in his hands. Finally the retching stops. Cossack pulls me to my feet, hands me a glass and tells me to rinse. Then he hands me a second glass and has me drink. Add this to the list of humiliating things that have happen today. Cassock directs me to shower and sleep thus dismissing me, I am relieved. I head for my room. I stand in the shower for a very long time. Sleep is always hard for me, the nightmares happen almost nightly. Tonight the nightmare's might be different but they will still come. I have no idea how I will ever look at Samme or Ezera again.

I wake to my door opening, I must have thrashing in my sleep because the sheets are wrapped around my legs. I lay still, she walks over sits on the edge of the bed, and places her hand on my bare shoulder. The hand has to belong to Samme, I am shaking with rage. She just sits there like that, I can feel her body shaking, she appears to be silently sobbing. I am trying to figure out what I am going to do. When we were little, if dad was this angry he would have just whupped our butts and it would be over. But shes not a child and I am not her parent. So what am I gonna do. Then she almost whispers _"I'm sorry I didn't know it would be that bad. Please I am sorry."_ I don't move. She starts to rub my back it only enrages me more. She whispers again _"I am sorry please talk to me." I _grab her wrists as I sit up. I do it without really thinking, I bring her down over my legs and I slap her butt hard. I land 10 hard swats. I push her off my lap and lay back down facing the wall. I am still furious but I feel a little better. I can hear her hand moving over her pajamas, and she is sobbing quietly now. I know I have humiliated her, but I am not forgiving. When she composes herself she tries again. _"We talked about it. I knew what the plan was. But I didn't understand, I didn't even understand when it was happening, watching you watch it, changed that. I can't change what we did. I am sorry."_ I don't move, I don't make a sound. She leaves, I find the flask and drain it.

Crap! My head is pounding and Ezera is screeching _"its a big big day. Dining room in twenty be on time" _I walk to the screen they say produces whatever we want in 1 minute. I push the buttons on the screen for Coffee lots of sugar. I look in the mirror at my apparent injuries, none of it was washed away. Nausea rises, my stomach is churning again. I find jeans and a long sleeve button up, that's better. The coffee is on a tray in front of the screen. I grip it in both hands and begin sipping. I make it on time to the dining room. Everyone else is already there. The silence spreads as they notice me. I fill a plate. I don't want to sit with them. I walk over to the wall. I sit on the floor, knees bent, plate resting on the top, my back against the wall. The conversation at the table is strained. I can hear every word. Finally, Ezera stands, she is back to being the woman on the train. Again, as angry as I am, I am staring at her lips as she speaks. _"Today things start to get easier. There are only 4 places you need to be. When you leave here you will go to the remake center. After lunch you'll be with your stylist. Then at dusk the Chariot Parade of Tributes. Last back here to have dinner and the review . Tomorrow we start training. Please stay on schedule. " _Her eyes never even try to meet mine. I am greatful she dropped the Capitol accent. I don't know if my head could take it.

Samme replaces Ezera. Her eyes find mine immediately, I see a faint blush. But, she is searching, hoping to find forgiveness. I try to soften my face, I have no idea if I succeed. She straightens her shoulders moves her gaze to Sage and speaks _"You all did amazing yesterday. Continue to do as you are told today. I will see you at lunch and dinner. Our first strategy meeting is at breakfast."_ Cassock stands, he is a man of few words. _"We will be watching, make us proud again." _With that we are dismissed and headed for the remake center. An Avox points me to the door I am to go in. I stand outside the door just staring at the handle. Thorn will be on the other side of the door. I remember yesterday, what she did to me, the way she did it. I want to run, I want to scream. Then I realize I might not have made it through yesterday had she been kind and gentle. I push open the door and go in.

Three identical women stand there. I am sure the one in the middle is Thorn. Though I am not sure why I am sure. They are all completely naked. Each of them is painted with a rose bush from their toes to their forehead. You can see everything and yet you can see nothing. They wear their hair up and intertwined roses form a wreath. The effect is stunning. I am right the woman in the center steps forward. Her roses are pink. She looks straight at me. I can tell she knows what happened yesterday. I am sure she knew what was going to happen. I also realise only Cossack and her really understood what was going to happen. She prepared me the best she could. Her I decide I am going to trust. She must see a change in me, because she speaks. _"After yesterday I decided if you were going to be naked and vulnerable, you deserved the same from us." _She points to the woman on her right. Her roses are deep red. _"This is Rose." _She turns to her left _"this is Blossom"_ I can't stop staring, the roses on Blossom's body are yellow near the stem, they turn peach and then pink at the tips, the open blossoms are pale pink. I have never seen a rose like that. I speak for the first time, my voice sounds raw _"what kind of roses are they?" _A smile passes over Thorn's face for the first time today. She answers me softly _"they are called a Peace Rose"_ I smile back.

She points to a large comfortable chair. The three woman sit around me. Rose and Blossom sit on the arms and Thorn is on the foot stool. Thorn is visibly tense before she starts to talk. _"I am sorry but today isn't going to be much easier than yesterday. Today is the last time you will be without a shirt in public, we can't give up the deception. I have to leave the marks on your body." _She pauses to let what she has said sink in. I am going to appear beaten again. I have only one question _"Will I be restrained? "_

_"No! Now that you are here absolutely not. Your not supposed to be styled before today, that's why we snuck on the train as maintenance workers. Everyone believes the injuries are real, if they showed up or disappeared today they would be attributed to us and assumed fake. I can't let what you did yesterday be for nothing. I will meet you here as soon as you are off the Chariot. I will get you excused from viewing and I will remove the marks from your body myself. I will need to leave your face but we will make it heal over three days. Angle will provide you with training gear that will cover where the marks should be." _

I like having a groomer, well I like having Thorn. She is the first person who has been absolutely straight with me. The rest of the morning mostly sucks! All the hair on my body is groomed. I am waxed, ripped and plucked till Thorn is happy. I am definitely not. Then the good part starts. Each of them massages a different oil into my painful body. The aches from Cossack restraining me are eased as well. Thorn stands me in front of the mirror. It is time to face my naked body. All the bruising still appears some of it is even more prominent with my hair removed. But the image is very different. I look strong, I have endured. I find the details interesting I have no facial, leg or back hair. The hair on my chest has been shaped and thinned to accentuate the shape and size of my muscles. My skin is bronzed as if I have been in the sun for days, I have a glowing sheen. I want to kiss Thorn, so I do. I pull her into my arms and kiss her forehead. I mummer _"thank you"_ against her skin. She has given me the one thing I didn't think was possible, some of my dignity.

I get dressed in the clothes she has laid out. I am tying my shoes when the lunch warning sounds. I quickly straighten with a shudder. I have to face them. Thorns gently tugs me back, _"let me take care of this."_ I shrug and sit in the Comfy chair. Thorn touches a few buttons and talks into the speaker. She asks for Ezera and Samme. She informs them I will be staying in the remake center until the Start of training tomorrow. I almost can't breath. When the hum from the speaker stops she looks and smiles _"your not ready to be back with them yet." _It was a statement, and very true. She punches a button and orders lunch deliver. We have worked in relative silence and we simply continue that way until the food arrives. When the Avox leaves we all fill our plates. Thorn tentatively ask if I want to know the effect of my arrival on the Capitol. I am not sure but I might as well face it. I nod my head.

_"You are being heavily bet both to win and to be hunted by the careers. The early word is your training score should be an 8. The Head Peacekeeper in charge of tributes has been fired and is missing, some say missing his head. The same has been said about the Heads of Railway maintenance , Railway Services, and Railway Security. It is rumored that the Head Gamesmaker's life depends on your death. Also rumored, Snow is furious you are making a Mockery of his first games and its a quarter quell." _

4 men are probably dead, because I appeared beaten but not broken. I always dreamed of being a rebel, of thumbing my nose at the capitol. My mothers words _"be careful what you wish for"_ ring in my head. How many more unintended deaths will I cause. I spin the ring on my finger and wish for the simpler day. The one where I was the only one in danger of execution for my actions. At least I knew all the rules then. We finish in silence.

When Angle arrives she is quiet, I am getting used to being surprised by the people charged with my care. Her voice is almost a whisper, calming like her movements. She goes to the closet and brings out a small platform, much like the one Thorn restrained me on yesterday, except, this one has its own adjustable hand rails. I felt like had been punched. Was Angle going to restrain me? She spoke again. _"I need to look at you naked so we can make adjustments. I will position the bars so you can stand comfortably while I look. Then we will all talk."_ I relax she really is trying to be nice. I remove my clothing and step on to the platform. When the bars are where I am comfortable but she can see every square inch of me she steps back. First she stands directly in front of me. She is just calmly looking at me. So I look back, she is interesting. Her face has a mosaic of inset gold and silver lines. The open areas are completely filled with gems. She is wearing a body suit that covers her from neck to ankles. It is black and sparkling. She has on boots that stop right at her ankles.

Then she steps very close to me and starts running her hand over my skin. She spends a long time looking at and touching my body. When she is finished I once again feel helpless and small. She motions Thorn over. They move around my back, Angle runs her fingers over where I know the lash marks are. _"Make these look angrier, like they are infected. I want his face a little rougher. Open up his cheek a little more."_ She talks like I am a statue they are carving. Thorn objects _"I promised I would heal his face in three days. If I toughen the cheek it will take longer. "_ Thorn is protecting me yet she is talking like I can't hear. Angle steps up to me, holds my chin turns my face looking. She asks _"Then what can we do?" _Thorn suggests _"I can open his lip up further. Puff it a little more."_ Angle turns to walk away say _"good I need him ready in three hours. Lets sit and talk costume."_ I lose it they are going to make some of my injuries look even worse? _"No!"_

Both heads snapped to look at me again. _"What?" _Angle's voice is soft and threatening. _"I won't be treated like that again"_ I reply looking her in the eye. _"And how would that be?" _Her voice rings of true curiosity, so I answer _"Be made to feel and appear, weak and helpless, humiliated." _Genuine shock registers on her face. _"What can I give you to do it for me."_ She knew what ever I would ask would not be trivial or easy to give. I could see that much in her posture and eyes. I think for a moment what is worth it. She needs to understand what she is asking of me. What she is asking me to allow._"I want to inspect you naked and restrained on that platform."_ Her whole body tensed, then began to tremble. She nodded. I looked at Thorn _"please help her get in position. Don't restrain her"_ I went to the screen pushed a few buttons and waited for coffee. I was going to touch her, I was going to make sure I unnerved her, but not because my hands were cold. She stands there perfectly still, she isn't making a sound, but she looks terrified. That's a good start. I am definitely not nice. Now I know why she wears the body suit. She has been burned over her whole body. Her skin is interesting. It is a web of very pink raised scars and what looks like fragile white skin. She has no human makings, no nipples not even a belly button. She looks like her body had been shaped in a mold. I stand very close, put my index finger under her chin and lift until our eyes meet. I just stare into her eyes not allowing her to drop her gaze. She losses it and slaps at my hand. I take a step back, point at the bars and wait. She puts her hands back on the bars. And I resume inspecting her. I crouch low and start to trace the scars that run up her leg with my finger. She can't take much before she starts hitting my shoulders. I grab her wrists and just wait. When she stops struggling I point to the bars and find the switch on the platform. I see her pull, test, then understand her reality. Now I step up behind her and called Thorn over. I run my finger firmly over her thickest scar as I say _"Thorn could you put a trail of blisters here?"_ Angle screams. She struggles, she has totally lost it. I walk around turned off the switch and catch her in my arms. I hold her against my chest till the terror subsides.

Thorn helps her dress while I order food. It had only taken ten minutes but none of us would ever forget. When Angle has pulled herself together, she joins us, she sits on the foot stool with Thorn. She carries a big box. _"How we will mark your body is for the capitol, how we groomed you is for the Citizens, and how we dress you is just for you."_ She opens the box. I see a mending bag my mother uses to collect work in. Angle reaches in and pulls out a pair of boots, recognition hits me they were Veiner's he never wore them. He was reaped. Next she pulls out a pair of Tink's pants. I recognize moms darning. When she finishes, the pile also includes Rainer's belt, Jinx's Bandanna, David's lunchbox, John's headlamp and my father's helmet. All the men in my family will be with me. A single tear streaks my face, I haven't actually cried ever, not even when Veiner died. Angle broke the tension joking _"I am going to look like the most boring stylist ever" _I met her gaze _"I think your a very brave stylist." _She had already understood what she asked of me. She had also known what I was going to do to her and she allowed it. With that I go to the platform and get in position to once again have my body marked.

We finish right as the ten minute warning sounds. I walk quietly with Angle to the stockyards. Two dozen perfectly paired chariots line the ramp. Each pulled by a pair of perfectly matched horses. The District twelve chariots are coal black so are the horses. Cossack's arrival is unexpected, it is rare for mentors, but Cossack is not yet an official mentor, so he appears a Victor simply mingling with tributes. The other tributes from District twelve and their stylists arrive only moments later. Cossack motions us all to him, he gives us direction, his voice is quiet _"I want Heymitch on the far outside, Ruthie is in the chariot with him. I want Maysilee on the inside of the other chariot, Sage is on the far inside."_ He wanders away from our group, he gathers each district's tributes and talks to them for a moment as he makes his way to the lead chariots. I am sure we are the only ones he gave instructions to.

Sage looks much as he had arriving, except that the pants are well fitted miners gear. And the form fitting tank t-shirt is white with coal dust smears. Ruthie wears a typical seam dress. But poor Maysilee, she has nothing but a miners shirt and work belt on. The shirt is pulled open so that the front of her naked body is exposed. Her skin sparkles everywhere. two days ago I would have been excited to see her naked. Today I just feel sorry for her.

I don't speak. I lift Ruthie onto the chariot. She moves straight to the front rail, rests her elbows on it and rest her chin against her hands. She looks like she is enchanted with her surroundings. I step onto the chariot. I stand with my feet at shoulders width, my back straight, chest forward, face forward, chin firm, arms folded back resting in the small of my back. A position I have learned is called parade rest, it will be anything but restful in this parade. I have practiced while Thorn was working her art on my body. Holding my face absolutely expressionless, keeping my eyes cold with rage. The position I held brought the image from yesterday back, it would for anyone who saw both. But this time I look strong, I give the impression of being a predator. Only those in the Capitol have seen the live feed from the station and training center, even though the review had brought back every agonizing moment, a waking nightmare, it did not really show much. Only those in the Capitol will see the live feed of the Parade. This is for the Sponsors, burn both images into their minds, the man they could not break, and the strong predator who will not forgive. I will be the Victor it is the only option.


	6. Chapter 6 Care and Comfort

_**CARE AND COMFORT**_

The Chariot Parade isn't as hard as I thought it would be. The hardest parts are when the camera is directly on us. My apparent injuries are there on the big screen. The only one that doesn't make me cringe is the only one that actually hurts. It still looks like I have been beaten. We enter the square in front of the remake center. I see now that the circle is the same as where we got out of the car. I am going to have to walk that illuminated glass path again. This time I will be next to Ruthie. We go around the circle 3 times, the bleachers have been extended to surround all but the entrances. The inside edge of the circle is lined with bleachers as well. I wonder if all of the Capitol is actually here. The lead Chariot is stopped next to the walkway. The front and top of Snow private booth retracts. He steps to the microphone and starts his welcoming address. I watch him speak, I never move, I can see the screen behind him go from chariot to chariot. The image stops on me and Ruthie. The contrast is harsh, she is staring around the bleachers at the Capitol in wide eyed amazement. I stand there at parade rest eyes on Snow, my face expressionless. His eyes meet mine and his voice falters for just a second. Ruthie and I will be the last to walk into the training center. While Snow drones on I whisper to Ruthie _"take one step onto the walkway and stop. Don't move till I do."_ God Snow loves to hear himself speak. Finally, the Anthem.

The Tributes start to disembark from the chariots, 2 by 2 they walk down that walkway. Every time a pair reaches the halfway point the next starts. We're next, we step out of the Chariot, take the first step out onto the walkway, and stop. I am staring at Snow I wait for him to meet my stare. I still don't move, when Snow breaks the stare we walk. My hands move with my strides, my face remains impassive. Ruthie almost has to run. I am completely exhausted. We reach 12 and I stride directly to the remake center on our floor. I open the door and practically fall into Thorn's waiting arms. She gently leads me to a very comfortable table. She helps me strip. She lays me on my stomach. She goes to the screen and turns on soft music.

She begins her work. Instead of being harsh and uncomfortable, her hands gently work, I know exactly which mark she is touching. I remember how those marks felt to wear. Much of my upper body wears marks. Her lips run gently over the place the lash marks were. It is comforting, the warmth if her breath, the softness of her lips, her gently caresses. She continues to work over my body. Her lips graze many of the places I have marks. She presses her hand into my hip indicating she wants me to roll over. I am fully aroused so I resist but she pushes harder. I roll onto my back. My aroused state clearly evident. She works on each mark, first she runs her hands over my bare skin, then she covers the entire area with small kisses, licks and her breath. Finally, she rubs a number of oils and lotions into each mark. When she finishes she walks out of my sight but I hear the shower start.

She comes back and helps me get to the shower. There is a tall stool, the seat is a narrow board its more for resting against than sitting on. Again Thorn's fingers are moving over me. She massages several different soaps into my entire body. The last is a slippery foam. I stand there, leaning against the stool, being supported by Thorn's small body against my back, her hands come around my body, and relieve me. She leads my exhausted weak body over the dryer and then to bed. She allows me to curl around her, to hold her close, and breath in the scent of her hair while I sleep. I have no nightmares.

I wake naturally to the smell of hot coffee and fresh bread. I stretch, there is a mirror standing on the other side of the room. I need to see myself, see my body without marks. I stand and stretch again. My face is still a mess but I knew that would be the case, with brothers its not the first time. But my torso and arms are perfect. My skin has a golden glow, I look strong and healthy. I feel strong and healthy. Thorn has laid a pair fleece pants on the dresser for me. I pull on the pants. I lean in the doorway just looking at her. She is curled in the large comfortable chair. Her hands are wrapped gently around her cup, lost deep in thought. When she finally looks up all I can manage is a weak "thank you" and even that is caught in my throat choked by emotions. Her voice comes back soft and reassuring _"You needed care and comfort I provided."_ She crosses the room to me. _"I told you I am responsible for your body." _She had more than provided care and comfort to my body, she had comforted my soul. I pull her into my arms and simply hold on. I want right now to last forever. I feel safe and warm, cared for.

The door opens and brakes the moment. Rose and Blossom burst into the room. Their mood is almost jubilant. _"Your favored to win the Games. Every one is talking, you've made an impression."_ I knew I had made an impression. I am also quite certain I have made an enemy of the President, and that is not good. I realize I am still holding Thorn in my arms. As I start to let go I realize her arms are still tight around me so I give her a reassuring squeeze, although I am not sure which of us I am reassuring and continue to hold on. _"So tell me about the Capitol? I have never been out of District 12." _Technically that wasn't true, the woods was out of District 12. Thorn smiles up at me, _"We aren't from the Capitol, none of your team actually is. We are the daughters of the most successful Perfumer in District 1, Ezera's the daughter of the Chief Financial Officer of District 11, and Angle's father is the Mayor of District 8. Me and my sisters have been here since the 46th games when we were just 16."_

Once again the door opens this time it is Angle. She is followed by 3 Avoxs pushing carts. As soon as the Avoxs are gone, Angle gushes _"You were perfect. Who told you to stop and stand. Everyone held their breath. Do you have any idea the effect you have?_ Angle continues _"lets eat then I will show you your training gear." _

I see that two of the carts are our breakfast. I grab a plate and fill it. The soft music still plays in the back ground. It is interesting. _"What are we listening to?"_ I ask. All I know are folk and war songs, this has all kinds of instruments. _"This piece is called ode to joy, the style is called classical."_ As we eat the girls chatter about who wore what and other such non sense. I eat.

3 more plates of food. As we are finishing Cossack comes in. As soon as he steps in, and the door closes. Angle runs to him leaping into his arms. He catches her and her legs wrap around him. They kiss for several minutes it is quite uncomfortable. But I say nothing and just wait. Finally, Cossack pats her hip indicating that she should get down.

Cossack sits on the couch across from me, Angle sits next to him. She is curled protectively under his arm, her arm across her chest, her hand holding his on her shoulder. Cossack starts to speak _"Samme won't give you to me, I asked. She agreed to let me supervise your training and I think you need me." _He paused _"what do you think?"_ I am feeling a bit cocky and I want to see his reaction so I reply _"I think you know a Victor when you see one, and I am this years Victor." _With that Cossack laughed, it was deep and rich and full of amusement. _"When you do your interview that is the boy Caesar Flickerman interviews. But, your perception is absolutely correct. I only hope it doesn't come down to you and Sage but fear it may."_

With that last statement the room goes quiet. It takes a minute for all of us to recover. Then we get down to business. First Angle pulls out my training shirts, she has a stack of like 10. They are all different in shades of blue and grey. Then she explains that they are compression garments. They are used to support bruised and broken ribs. I am to wear a different shirt for each training session. I knew we were going to maintain the deception. I just didn't know how perfectly we would be doing so. I take a deep blue shirt from the stack and pull it on. It literally fits like a second skin. You cans see the definition of my muscles, my belly button, even my nipples, my chest might as well be bare. She hands me a pair of pants of a similar material yet it isn't clingy or tight. The pants are straight legged, and well fitted. I walk to the mirror, I look perfect. I just grin. The girls sit back down and start planning my interview look.

Cossack and I step out onto the small balcony. I am still feeling cocky _"Cossack can I ask you anything I want to know?" _Cossack's hearty laugh rings out again_ "You can ask anything, whether I answer or not is a different matter." _I take a deep breath and ask _"Why would you compete to be a tribute?" _I really don't understand and I want to. I don't think it was even a question he considered I might ask. Cossack looks like I punched him. He meets my gaze, he takes a deep breath _"There are things much worse than being dead or a Victor" _I notice the order he put those in and wonder if he would have preferred to die. He takes another deep breath and continues. _"You know the old joke Peacekeepers aren't born, they're manufactured in District 2. Its only half a joke."_ Cossack pushed a button on the wall and a panel opened, he pulled out two folded chairs and handed 1 to me.

I sat and waited till Cossack resumed speaking _"District 2 is made up of 4 types of people. The brain trust who lives in the Mountain, the merchants who supply us all, the stone cutters and the Peacekeepers. All except the Peacekeepers are free to live their lives, marry who they want, have children, grow old. they have no fear of the Hunger Games."_

_"The Peacekeepers live a very different life. Our parents are simply assigned to each other. Peacekeepers are assigned their first mate with their first duty station. If you don't produce off spring in 2 years, each is assigned a new partner. We are expected to reproduce a minimum of 10 times. Peacekeepers are required to serve 20 years after we turn 18. We are raised in the pod from the time we are born. More like machines, than children, honed in the fires of hell. We don't even know our parents until we turn 18. We train and go to school becoming the best surviving killing machine we can. _

_At the age of 8 we are required to begin taking our turn being the punishment enforcer for the day. If you refuse to execute the punishment order, you face twice the order, and are still required to execute the order you refused. The only way out of being punishment enforcer is to be one of the 3 best over all in your grade and gender. Being one of the 3 best on reaping day when your 18, puts you in the race. I only took one rotation as punishment enforcer. I was forced to whip my best friend 5 times. I took 20 lashes first, I couldn't take more. I did what was required. I never missed a target, lost a foot race, or a fight again. I can not torture others it is not in my makeup. I can kill if I must, but to torture another, no. I could not be a Peacekeeper."_ Cossack was not the type of man to talk of such things lightly. He was strained but he continued _"So the only choice for me was win the race, die or become Victor. Others enjoy torture and killing. I think the way Peacekeepers are made it can go either way."_ This was why he had walked me through the station and across the walkway himself. He asked no more of me than he was willing to give. Now the man had earned my trust.

Ezera's voice rings as she knocks on the door _" 30 minutes, elevator to training be on time." _I let myself laugh. I know what she really sounds like. The capitol voice is so not who Ezera really is. I am not sure anyone around me is really who they appear.

Cossack and I talk for the rest of the time. Its almost like talking to my father. We agree to see what the training schedule is but the general plan is to show proficiency at everything excellence at nothing. Not until my private session. I am at the elevator on time.


	7. Chapter 7 Let the training begin

_**LET THE TRAINING BEGIN**_

Samme and Ezera are waiting chatting calmly in front of the elevator. I am the first to arrive. Samme runs her fingers over the bruise on my face. _"Are you doing ok?"_

_"I am a tribute to a game where the only rule is be the last one alive, I have been made to look beaten, publicly humiliated, exposed as an angry young rebel to the President and no one around me is who they seem to be. I am just perfect, how else would I be?"_ I snap, jerking my face away from her hand. Ruthie is running down the hall towards me, I catch her in my arms and swing her in a circle. It brings a smile to her face. _"Don't leave again, please"_ she whispers as I set her down. They have her wearing a one piece pink and green swirled jumpsuit. She looks like one of the acrobats we see in Capitol entertainment on Saturday's. It is much better than that waif appearance.

Sage and Maysilee walk down the hall together. At first I feel a pang of jealousy, then I realize Maysilee is one of those who are not what they appeared to be. Sage is once again in a sleeveless Peacekeeper training uniform, this time it is royal blue. It is less harsh than the black against his pale skin. I have known Sage his whole life, I can tell his stylist has enhanced the definition of his muscles and aged his face. Instead of a large boy, he appears an average size man. It will serve him well to maintain the image. The careers may even see him as one of their own. Maysilee has fared better today. Her hair is in a simple braid, she wears a forest green tunic, soft tan leather pants that tuck neatly into boots, sturdy black leather that stop just below her knee. We look interesting as a group. The athlete, the enforcer, the acrobat, and the royal huntress.

Samme gives us our final instructions _"Pay attention, to the schedule they haven't given it to the mentors. Our first meeting is tomorrow so I have to count on you. Although Ezera will have the required attendance obligations, I have been told additional time will be available. All of you have your directions. The Gamesmaker's will be watching, but so will the other tributes. Protect yourself and know your enemy's as well as you can. Try to enjoy the training if you can. Heymitch you are to report to the remake center each time you finish training. I will see you all at dinner."_

With that the four of us entered the elevator. I hadn't paid much attention to the elevator panel other than push twelve get to our floor. This time I really looked, the left column of buttons were numbers, but the right column is names: Training Arena , Mentor Services, Sponsor Services, Victor Services, Gamesmaker Offices, ect. Some have keyholes in them. Ruthie pushes the Training Arena button. It is the first time I have actually looked out the glass panels of the elevator. The buildings of the Capitol have a hard candy appearance. Mostly pastels colors. When the elevator passes underground there are huge murals of past arenas. Then the elevator comes to a stop, out the glass is the training center, but we are stopped at least three stories in the air. The area is more than twenty five acres. I barely realize a voice is speaking_ "You will be stopped here for five minutes. Familiarize yourself with the layout of the training arena."_ Its a forest, there is a pond in the middle. two Stories over the water is a platform. It and all the tables on it appear to be glass. I assume this is the Gamesmakers observation deck. There are paths to clearings which appear to be the training stations. I see a squirrel, so there is live game, way cool. I get to play in the woods. The elevator starts to move, I am really excited about the possibilities.

We step out into a large room it has twelve seating areas. Each is actually its own glass room. There is a desk in the middle, above it is a sign that reads _"Training Launch Center."_ The young woman at the desk has deep brown skin, her hair, which I hope is a wig, looks like vines of ivy, her dress is made of large ivy leaves, she actually resembles a tree. She directs us to the door with a twelve. The room is comfortable, a couch surrounds three walls, each corner has a triangular table with a screen, there is a square table with a screen in the middle. I touch the screen on the table and a top view of the arena pops up. There are three buttons on the side. View is currently highlighted, but there is also videos and manuals. I zoom in on the pond. The view zooms right through the platform. I stop just above the surface, you can see the fish swimming. All of us are crowded over the screen. This is the coolest thing I have ever played with. Ruthie's voice is excited _"Will someone come with me while I learn to swim." _I answer _"I plan to practice fishing, I'll go to the pond with you." _We pan and zoom around looking at many of the stations. At the knot station we press the video for the basic noose. A 3 dimensional hologram of two hands tying the knot appears above the table. We are laughing and having fun. We suddenly notice everyone else is just sitting ram rod stiff on their couches. For the first time since our delay I am actually comfortable in the presence of my fellow District twelve tributes. My smile actually makes it to my eyes.

As soon as the last District arrives all of the glass walls retract into the ceiling. A tall athletic man comes in, he hands us wrist bands and round stickers. The stickers are our District numbers to put on our back. I turn around and ask _"Will the disc on the back of my shirt with the number twelve be adequate or do I need the sticker?"_ I smirk and silently thank Angle. No tacky sticker for me. Once every one has their District number on the man begins to speak.

_"Welcome to the fiftieth Hunger Games Training Arena. My name is Frose. For the Second Quarter Quell we have assembled a special training facility. The rooms you are assembled in are for your Districts sole use. The walls are sound proof when down and can be darkened, they are controlled from the corner tables. The square table has a view screen of the training floor. Your mentors will be able to watch you from these rooms. With forty eight tributes we have doubled the length of training. We will have five group training days and then two private session days. Also the facility will be open twenty four hrs a day and will be lit appropriately, there will even be a night sky. There will be two Gamesmaker sessions a day, each of you must attend at least one, you must also be in this room for lunch. Because of the duration of training the Capitol Network will be broad casting from the Group Gamesmaker sessions and providing a review in the evenings for the districts. As always the private session will be just that, no media and no view screens. If at any time you need an opponent or assistant the station expert will provide one. You cannot spar with other Tributes. Now sit at your tables so you can learn how to use them. We will also go over the available stations."_

I zone out, I can figure any screen out. If you can read, it will tell you what to do. The people who program these things try to idiot proof them. Doesn't work, but they try. I am just watching, quartering the map in my mind. When they set me free I am going for a run. How fast can I simply run a circuit of the weapons stations. I go over and over my planned route until I am sure I can run it without hesitation. Then I really start to watch the other Tributes. The Careers first. I know Samme said to learn the others first, but killing most of the Careers is going to be my job, you can't effectively hunt what you don't understand.

The Careers from one are huge. Even the smaller girl is as tall as I am. In fact we are almost identical in size and build. She is practicing at using the screen, shes the brain. The other girl, Ruby is a couple of inches taller, she is also observing other Tributes, her focus is on District eight, she's the scout. I make note to check eight carefully, figure out what she found interesting. The smaller blond boy is looking puzzled at the table. I bet he paid someone to do his homework. Stupid, is fidgeting, he is a liability no question about it. But the larger boy, he is quartering the map, memorizing it just as I had. His is working out a strategy. He's the leader.

Finally, Frose is done talking, almost two hours are gone. We are going to be allowed to go into the training arena in 10 minutes. I zoom our table to the full over view of the forest again. Gamesmakers are gathering on the platform, they look like ants from the current view. I go over my route one more time. I stand and stretch, casually moving towards the door. I want to be one of the first through the door. I want an open running path. I notice the smaller girl from District One also moving subtly towards the door. When the horn sounds I am the first one into the arena. I take off running at a pace that I should barely be able to maintain for my chosen route. As I pass the Archery Station, the girl from District One falls in beside me, matching me stride for stride. By the time we pass the third weapon station I decide she is along for my run, so I drop to a pace I can maintain indefinitely, rerouting as I go. When my breathing relaxes I simply say my name. She replies Laureli. We run side by side along the paths of the arena for more than an hour.

I stop at the edible plants station. When the trainer asks how he can help. I reply simply _"I need a snack."_ I recognize 4 of the seven berry selections on the first table. 3 are edible, poisonous. I grab a couple of handfuls of Raspberries and chew. I love the gritty effect of their seeds. The trainer goes over the other three, two are simply poisonous, the third must be boiled before being safe. Laureli is over by the nuts and seeds. I reach around her and grab a hand full of pine nuts. _"Snack times over." _I turn and sprint out. I duck into the woods after the second bend, I find a small depression hidden from the path by some fountain grass. I'm barely on my belly, before she rounds the bend. Shes less than one hundred

feet past me when she realizes, I am no longer running in front of her. She's better than I thought. She doubles back watching both sides of the path. She scans the trees at about twenty feet in height. Yup, that's about as high as I could go before the branches wouldn't hold. She stops exactly where I entered, I need to know what evidence I left. She picks up a pine nut. She looks around, she is staring at the spray of fountain grass. She leans over, I don't see what she picks up. She tosses it into the grass. _"Gotcha"_ she says and runs, as an acorn tags my shoulder. I chase after her catching up about one hundred yards later. I let her lead, we're still running when the lunch horn sounds.

I am finally relaxed. I'll run the circuit later. A few nuts and berries aren't going to do after this run. I follow the paths to the exit. We walk from the exit to the launch room together, still silent. We each walk directly to our District room, then to the buffet. Not bad, a two hour run, 6 words, a snack, a game of hide and seek and priceless recon. I paid attention as we ran. I noticed which stations others were using, how they were doing, how long they stayed. Plus, I could scent her anywhere now. I am sure Laureli had done exactly the same thing. I am sure few of the others have given us more than a passing glance. Very few ventured into the woods. I am going to set snares later, I am in the mood for rabbit. And I plan to watch tonight to see when the careers practice in the woods.

Finally, I get back to our room. I touch the corner table, bring the walls down and darken them. Sage is the one who asks _"what's up?" _I finish the bite of stew I am chewing _"I just thought we could all use some privacy. Sage where did you learn to handle a knife like that. Ruthie good idea trying the unique weapons, Maysilee your fire was a little big. Did any of you notice me watching you? Look we can see out, the only other darken room is District one. See District two is looking at spear grips and positioning. District 4 is looking at the lake."_ I eat several bites of stew I want them to think about what I said. _"Ruthie who was with you in edible plants?"_ Ruthie thought for a moment then answered _"I'm not sure"_ I look at each of them then I say _"training is as much about knowing your opponent as ways to kill him. If I didn't understand rabbits I wouldn't know where to put snares." _I go back to eating. Sage spends time exploring other weapons that can be thrown. The manuals are amazing for identifying weapons. Then watching the video gives a 3d holo-graghic demonstration. I go fill another plate of food.

After lunch I head for the knot station. I work on snares, even show the master a trick for squirrel snares. I get enough wire to set a dozen rabbit snares and two squirrel snares. Then I head off into the woods I spotted nests on my run, I find the appropriate dead limbs for the squirrel snares. Then I head near the small stream I saw and find signs of rabbit burrows. I set my snare line. Snares may catch anything, but size, height, and configuration are determined by the target. I am hot and sweaty, I head for the pond. I almost pull my shirt off but I remember. I take off my shoes and dive in, it is cool and refreshing. After my swim I head over to the archery range. I try several different types of bows, the first few shots lack accuracy, but I soon hit where I aim. The long bow is too cumbersome, but a small dark recurve bow gets great power, the small crossbow is easy to maneuver, and a slightly larger compound bow is a dream weapon. I show proficiency as is expected nothing special. I head back to twelve.

I am about to enter our dining room when Ezera's Capitol voice rings out _"Heymitch, remake center first."_ There is a hint of command to her voice I didn't know she possessed. I change direction and head for the remake center. When I enter all five are there Cossack, Angle, Thorn and her sisters. Cossack and Angle are on the couch, the women are perched around the large chair, as usual,except Thorn is facing the couch. I drop into the chair and to no one in particular say _"can we get some food?"_ As Angle walks to the screen she asks _"What are you recovering from?" _I shrug my shoulders, _"huh"_ its more of a sound than a word. _"What did you do?" _Well, that's a new way of thinking about eating. _"Oh, a run through the woods, a swim and target practice. " _Angle pushes buttons. I just sit, the silence in this room is comfortable. Angle hands me a large glass of chocolate milk, I take a drink and start to set it down to reach for my plate Angle shakes her head and tells me _"Nope, milk first. Your body needs quick energy and easy protein ' to work with." _I want food so I down the glass in one long draw. I wolf down half my plate without even looking up. When I slow down Cossack asks _"What is the gymnasium like?"_ I look up, smiling ear to ear. I start to laugh. _"What's so funny?" _Cossack asks. _"Its not a gymnasium, its a small arena. A forest with a pond."_ Cossack raises one eyebrow, I almost laugh again, he is too hard looking, to pull that off _"So tell me about it." _I describe the arena and launch area, Cossack asks lots of questions. Angle gets me two more plates of food while we talk. I finish by telling Cossack about my run with the girl from District one, I did not however, mention having observed them in the launch center.

When I finish, Cossack smiles _"So, you have a plan."_ It was a statement not a question. I just look Cossack in the eyes. But I do not respond. _"So what is the training schedule like?"_ As I finish telling him. I decide I'll give Cossack a little more information. _"I'm going to spend the night in the launch room and forest. I wanna know when the careers practice and I wanna run my snare line."_ Cossack smiles then. The warning horn for dinner sounds. I get up to head for the dining room, Cossack joins me but the women remain behind. Just before we go out Thorn yells _"Back here before you go to training again." _I groan and yell _"Whatever."_ I really hope Thorn is alone when I get back.

Cossack walks over to the buffet and starts filling a plate. I follow right behind filling yet another plate. Cossack looks at me grinning _"Where you putting all that food? "_ _"I've grown five inches and gained 60 pounds in the last year. I know how to hunt and eat food. "_ Cossack laughed _"Better not let a peacekeeper hear you."_ I laugh back thinking of Cossack in the uniform. We sit. Soon Samme and Sage join us. Maysilee and Ruthie are eating out on the balcony. Sage looks more filled out, 4 days of good eating has taken the hollow look away. But he still looks tired and aged. _"How bad does it hurt?" _He asks quietly. I glare at Cossack and Samme, waiting for one of them to answer. If I answer no one is going to like it, its hard enough with all of the Capitol, all the Districts and my family believing I have been beaten, the tributes from my own district believing too is more than I can stand. Cossack is the one to answer _"We're removing the evidence of what was done to him as fast as we can. He will be all healed by the time the games launch."_ It was technically the truth but it didn't answer Sage's question or make me any less angry. I can't live with the lie I simply peel off my shirt. Sage's eyes get wide and his mouth drops open. _"If you can be made to look like a blue eyed career, I can be made to look like a beaten rebel. Its too late to change it now so were staying the course." _I pulled my shirt back on before the girls notice. Now it is Samme and Cossack who are glaring.

_"Now that the secret out, lets figure out the best way to train. I already told Cossack I am spending the night between the launch and the woods. I think one of us should be in our launch room anot all times." _Cossack cleared his throat _"I agree, I am going to announce as Ruthie's mentor. That way I can be in your room any time. We'll work out a schedule. I'll put Ezera on managing it" _I almost protest but Cossack holds up a hand for me to let him finish. _"Its what she is good at and if she is escorting us no one will question our movements." _I shrug he is right. Samme nods her agreement. _"Lets all 4 meet in the room at dark. Cossack your the master of false impressions. Think about this. How do we miss lead the careers about us, but see their real methods? I need rest. See you all later." _With that I stand and head for the remake center.

As I head to the remake center I realize that we're acting like careers. Sage Sae is smart in a survival kinda way. And I am used to working as a team. I had my brothers and my best friends. Heck, Cossack is a Career Victor and Samme is a Victor. We aren't just acting like Careers, we are a career pack. And I will be a Victor. I am whistling as I enter. Thorn looks up and a genuine smile lights her up. I gather her into my arms and bury my face in her hair. She is the only thing I am sure of in this crazy world. She has her arms around me and is holding me tight. _"I need to sleep. Will you let me hold you? "_ She simply leads me back to the bedroom. I strip and crawl into bed._"I need to be ready at dark." _She crawls in beside me. _"You'll be ready." _I pulled her up against me, curled her in tight. I feel warm, safe and comforted. And I sleep.

I woke to the smell of coffee and the sound of the shower. I headed towards the coffee, Thorn intercepted me and pointed at the shower. I went as I was directed yelling back _"there better be a cheese roll with that coffee."_ I just stand in the shower. Thorn had programmed it. Then I stand over the dryer. There is a grey, greenish and black mottled training outfit on the bed. I will be almost invisible in the dark forest. Thank you Angle. I walk into the team room, I really see Thorn for the first time tonight. She is painted in peace roses. She is bringing me my coffee and cheese roll. _"The roses are beautiful on you." _She meets my gaze _"They are for you until there are no more hunger games."_ I take my cup and roll and set them down. I pull Thorn to me _"I want to kiss you Thorn, not my groomer, you, I want you to kiss me back. May I?"_ Thorn pulled out of my arms and never met my gaze, her voice is soft _"Its getting dark. You need to go. I'll see you in the morning." _I grab my coffee and roll, and slam out of the room.

It seems I can only manage first or last to arrive, tonight it is last. All the rooms except ours are clear and empty. No one has darkened the walls. I go straight to the table and darken the room. _"It stays this way. No one needs to know who is in this room but us. Its never up or clear unless required." _Cossack looks up _"And I thought I was the mentor." "Yes, but I am used to hiding, deceiving and eluding. Your getting old and soft." _Both Cossack and I laugh. I have fun bantering with Cossack its like having John or David, my oldest brothers, here. I look at Cossack and Samme sitting next to each other. Cossack looks older, tired, more worn than his thirty four years. Samme looks like a thirteen year old waif not thrifty year old Victor. No one would believe they won the Hunger Games in successive years._"So, Mentors what's the plan then."_ I laugh, tapping the screen to turn on the arena. There are four illuminated dots, two blue dots are in the fire station, a green one is in edible plants, an orange one is moving through the woods towards the pond. Its got to be the wrist bands. I zoom in on the blue dots. When I get close the dots turn off but I can see the two tributes, they are from district seven. I pan over to the edible plants station it is a tribute from three. I zoom out and in on the orange dot but the forest is to thick to get the number. Cossack asks _"how long is that run you want to try?" _ I answer _"about seven minutes."_ Do I want Cossack to know the route I am testing. Well, if Samme and him are going to be any help they might as well know. "Go take the run. There are no careers in the arena, and if they enter after you start they won't know what you're doing. Then we will know what color twelve is." I want to run anyway so I head out. I wonder if Cossack will figure it out. I take off as soon as I am in, I am running hard, my chest is heaving before I reach the second weapon station, I consider slowing as I go past the fourth weapon station, instead I push harder. If I make it to the twelfth station at this rate I will have nothing left. As I round the tip of the pond a tribute steps onto the path in front of me. I swerve around with ease. I hear him sprinting towards me. I am keeping to my plan, but lets see what he does. There are two weapons stations left on my path, the tribute is with me for less then two hundred yards and he is already laboring to breath. We pass the specialty weapon station, about 400 yards left to the throwing knives, station twelve of my route. I step into the station grab three short knives and throw in rapid succession. I hit the three of the four hanging dummies. The first in the eye, the second in the throat, and the third in the heart. three kills. I walk out of the station, the tribute from 11 is bent over, hands on his knees, sucking wind. If he didn't see the throws, he will see the results. Once I catch my breath I jog for the exit.

I reach our launch room and collapse on the couch, Samme hands me a water. Cossack simply states _" seven minutes three seconds from entrance to last kill. So you have seven minutes fifty seven seconds for whatever you have in mind. Are you ready to share yet?"_ It is time to let them help. _"I want to take out four targets at each station, except station twelve where I am going to take out three. That's fifteen minutes, forty seven targets in twelve stations over a mile and a half. I think I can do it. Help me make it happen. "_ We spend the next hour going over available weapons and demos. Then the Career tributes enter the arena, all twelve in a cluster, they are yellow, red, and gold. Its time to go to work. I stretch and look at Cossack and ask _"What's the plan?" _Cossack laughs _"Invite them to dinner."_ I just stare. He continues _"You and Sage run the snare line and hunt. Build a fire and eat. Then come back. If you see careers invite them to join. You can't spar so have fun. Samme and I will watch and help develop strategies. I zoom checked your snares earlier you have two rabbits and a squirrel at last count."_ Cossack hands me a black backpack _"Feast well._"

Sage and I head for the arena. Once in we jog side by side. We stop at the archery station, I grab the compound bow, take a few shots at the target. Then I ask the trainer if I can hunt with the weapon. He lets me take it. We enter the woods, we both move almost silently, Sage follows about two feet behind. We move quickly along my snare line, it has three rabbits and I take another with the bow. There are are two squirrels. I tuck all of our game in the pack. We head for the lake. We find a large flat rock that juts out over the water. I unpack. We have a dozen soft rolls, a large hunk of cheese, greens, yams, strawberries and the flask. I turn the flask over and over in my hand. I run my fingers over the engravings. Was it really less than a week since Torn had kissed me in the woods. We also have matches and water. Sage has collected the makings for the fire along the way and has set it while I unpacked. Sage tends the fire till we have a nice bed of coals, and builds supports for a spit. I am cleaning our game. I have two rabbits ready, he secures them to a single spit and starts them roasting. I have finished with the rabbits when Sage sits. I hand him a knife and squirrel, I dress the squirrel slowly, Sage follows each step exactly. I put the four cleaned animals in the pack. _"I think I'll have an Avox make a gift of them for the Gamesmakers. "_

Sage and I tend our cooking. Finally he starts to talk. _"If you get out will you take care of Greasy and Tymme?" _I look him right in the eye _"Sage, you know I take care of my own. Greasy and Thyme are family, of course I'll take care of them."_ Sage is quiet he is clearly contemplating telling me something so I just wait. I hear the careers now, it sounds like three of them moving about thrifty feet out. Finally Sage speaks _"Then maybe you should know the truth about Tymme."_ He gave me a break to stop him. I didn't. _"Veiner asked my father if he could marry Greasy the day she turned 18. My father said yes but asked them to wait until after their last reaping day. They agreed, they were so happy and in love. Greasy helped mom in the hob and is a great cook. Greasy cooked at the Mayor's party the night of the Victor's tour ball. It was late when she came in. She was crying hysterically. She looked like she had been mauled by a wild animal, she had bites, scratches and bruises every where. Her dress was almost completely torn away. Dad sent me for the healer and Veiner. Everyone was told she was attacked by a wild dog. Veiner never left her side after that. He'd take her to the hob in the morning, then school, home and the hob again. When her little bump showed I believed it was Veiner's, I think everyone but dad, Veiner and the healer did. I was only 9, too young yet to understand. Then Veiner was reaped. Greasy never answered anyone about the baby. I was twelve before I realized the truth. Tymme has light brown hair and bright blue eyes. She is not Veiner's, Greasy was raped by a peacekeeper." _Then I answered _"Veiner stood by Greasy before he was reaped. The girl and her are family, no matter what the truth is. I promise to tell her about her Uncle Sage, if you promise to tell her about me. "_ that ended the subject. I had long suspected the truth. I was there when Sage had come for Veiner. Veiner was never the same, rage never left him. I have seen wild dog attacks, the bites on Greasy had been human. I had to change the subject Sage was going to lose it thinking about Greasy. So, we talked about weapons and what we wanted to try. We could hear the Careers for almost an hour and a half, then they moved away. We clean up the site, as we finish the strawberries and cheese, I pass the flask to Sage. We take a swim, then head back to the launch room. I catch an Avox just before the launch room. I pull the plastic bag with the game from the pack and hand it to him. I give him instructions, he nods in acknowledgment and heads off carrying the bag.

Its just after four am when we reach our launch station. The Careers were in the woods from 11 till three, and we were, right three of them had spent about an hour and a half observing us. Samme went over the schedule they had worked out. Cossack and her would switch off in the room supervising every 6 hours. Sage and I are to spend four hours in the room and eight hours training each day. The other twelve hours are for eating and sleeping.

We follow Ezera to the elevator. Once back on our floor all I want is to curl up in the dark and hide. I head down the hall to my room. Ezera's voice rings out _"Heymitch, remake center first."_ I take a deep breath, I am not sure I want to face Thorn. _"Ezera I just wanna sleep first." _She just points her finger towards the remake center and glares at me. I turn and head to Thorn.

Thorn is asleep in the big chair, I gently scoop her into my arms. She turns her head and snuggles into my chest. I carry her to the bed, I lay her down. I want to stay with every fiber of my being, I can't. I pull the cover over her shoulder and kiss her cheek. I go to my room to sleep.


	8. Chapter 8 Obsidian Cave

I left Thorn sleeping. I am not sure how in 3 days time she has become so important to me. Maybe it is the intensity of the situation, maybe it is how often I have been absolutely vulnerable in her presence, or how intimately her hands have touched me but my arms ache to hold her. I try to sleep, all I can think of is Thorn, I toss and I turn. Finally, I fall to sleep, but the nightmares follow. It is useless. At 7 am I head to the dining room. I ask an Avox for a tray. I grab 2 plates and fix them. I fix 2 cups of coffee. Then I head for the remake center. I hope Thorn is still alone and asleep. I enter as quietly as I can, there are no lights on. I walk to the bedroom. She still sleeps quietly, I trace the stem that runs along the side of her face, passing a leaf on her cheek, a thorn at the corner of her eye, and a simple bud at her temple. She stirs, stretching lazily, she yawns, and sits up. I hand her a cup, her fingers wrap around it and she sips. "You were supposed to check in here last night." I just grin "I did silly, who do you think put you to bed?" She teasingly slaps at my shoulder "That's not checking in and you know it. We have work, I need to clean up your face a little. By tomorrow I want pink new skin. What time is it?" As if in answer, there is a knock and Ezera's capitol voice rings out "20 minutes to breakfast. " we both break out in laughter. I hand Thorn a plate "Ezera appears to be off schedule, breakfast is served."

Thorn is quiet as she starts to work on my face. I close my eyes. She feels tense which is odd when Thorn is working. Then she speaks and I know why "I want to put faint bruises back on your arms. I won't if you say no." The thought is slightly un-nerving, "Why?" Is all I can manage. Her voice is soft "I want you to wear a sleeveless shirt. I want to show that your healing. If you can't or won't I understand." Thorn doesn't understand, I will do anything within my power that she asks. I remain quiet. When she finishes on my face, she hands me a mirror. I hand it back without looking, I get up and grab the platform. I set it up so I can sit and rest my arms comfortably on the bars. It is my answer. "Would you put that soft music on again?" I simply relax and allow myself to enjoy Thorn's hands on my arms. When she finishes she gets up and turns on the shower. I know the drill, I finish stripping and head for the bathroom. Thorn steps in front of me and leans into my chest, she tilts her face up to kiss me, I step back "Who am I kissing? My groomer, responsible for the care and comfort of my body, or Thorn the woman who makes me so crazy I can't think straight, so crazy the only thing I can think of is how I feel with her in my arms, how soft she is to hold, how safe she makes me. Until I can kiss Thorn, just don't." I get into the shower. I can hear her weeping as she lays out my clothes. I may have asked for something she can't give, but it is the only thing I want. I am toweling off, the dryer is quicker but I like the feel of a towel against my skin, when Ezera knocks "20 minutes to first group." It brings back the memory of dressing in front of her. I dress and head for the door. Thorns voice follows me "Back here after training" I slam the door.

I am in our launch room with 10 minutes to spare. Samme is the mentor in the room. She gives me an update. Both girls are already in the arena and Sage is sleeping. I tell Samme about sending the Gamesmakers squirrel stew from the game I hunted. She immediately zooms to the platform, we are all getting better at rotating the view, the camera is set so its looking at the buffet table, Samme will see the Gamesmaker's faces. But I am headed into the arena this is going to be one of my required group sessions. I will be hitting 2 weapon and 2 survival stations for 45 minutes each. I look for Ruthie on the view, she is in specialty weapons again, I put the view back. I need to talk to Ruthie so that will be my first stop. I enter the arena and take the most direct route to specialty weapons. Ruthie is practicing with a slingshot, she is propelling spiky nuts at one of the practice dummies. She hits the face and neck repeatedly. I look around at the different weapons. When Ruthie empties her basket and goes to retrieve her ammo I saunter over. "Wanna go to the lake right after second group session." Ruthie looks up grinning "I thought you forgot." "Never, about you. What's the plan with the nuts?" I whisper "Launch room" is her answer. She heads out of the station.

I notice an interesting weapon hanging on the far wall. It is about the length of a mans arm, there are three hand grips along the curved back edge, each end has two curved spiked blades. I walk over and take it down. I hold it by 2 of the handholds, it is well balanced and lighter than I anticipated. I want to catch the eye of the trainer. I will definitely be watching this demo. When the trainer comes over rather than asking for a demo I ask about the history of the weapon. All weaponry experts love to talk about the weapons, but are rarely asked. The weapon is called a Bat'leth, it was developed for a 20th century entertainment show about aliens. It was never actually a battle weapon, although many were replicated by fans; some of which were used in crimes. He takes the weapon and makes several swings at a dummy. It is now missing parts of each limb and has a gaping wound in the side. He recommends watching the demo, I smile.

I notice rings that appear to have a sharp outer edge on the table under the Bat'leth. I ask the trainer about them. He picks up the largest of the rings and begins spinning it around his index finger. He explains that the origin of the weapon is an ancient country known as India. It is effected little by the wind. A Master can use it in hand to hand, grip is essential. When he has thoroughly explained the weapon, he releases it with a flick of his wrist. It cuts the throat of a hanging dummy cleanly. "Its called a chakram. Practice with one of the plastic ones or you will lose fingers." I spend the next 20 minutes just spinning the plastic ring . When I am finally able to keep it on the tip of my finger I ask the trainer to show me how to throw it again. It takes several throws before I can actually release the ring with any aim. I only throw the real thing once. But I cleanly cut the throat of a second dummy. Time to move on. I am satisfied with the impression I made. I am surprised that not a single other tribute uses this weapon station while I am there.

I jog to the firstaid station. It is interesting, there are victims everywhere. Some makeup artist has done an amazing job. I know how to deal with most injuries. Mine accidents are a reality, we deal with it all. I am interested in the medicinal plants. One of the male tributes from 11 is reviewing plants. He is just shorter than me, but he is much broader and thicker. His skin is deep brown, his hair is dark ringlets on his head, his hands are huge, and his eyes are brown with ribbons of gold. He is heavily muscled. He handles the plants with amazing gentleness. Then I remember the primary industry of District 11 is agriculture. I watch him with the plants. He looks at each side of the leaf, he feels its texture, he looks at the edge, he runs his finger tip over the veins and then along the stem. He handles every flower, root and tuber with the same thorough care. I ask the trainer about the plants while I observe him. I ask about the versatility of the plants and the plants with the most diverse climate suitability. I only spend 15 minutes in the station I learned what I need to know, more from the other tribute,Consus, than the trainer. I will check out the plants more closely at a different time. I can learn about the plants from the manual but correctly identifying each plant will take the same type of examination I watched Consus do.

The short swords are next on my agenda. I want the most proficiency with weapons that are smaller and easily carried. The station is interesting, it has 2 weapons displays, one of straight swords, they all appear European in origins. The other has all curved swords, they all appear Asian in origin. There are 4 sparing circles, 2 are being used by the girl tributes from District 2. The girls could be sisters they are both about an inch taller than me, so they are over 6 feet. Each wears a pink sleeveless peacekeeper uniform, although the shades are different. Both have rich golden brown hair in a single braid, grey/blue eyes, very straight noses with a little upturn at the end and pink lips, soft pink lips. What am I doing thinking about lips again. They are each sparring with a mutt, short for mutation, some genetically created creatures of the Capitols. The origins are some primate, so distorted its hard to tell which one, but its moves are very human.

The tribute on the right is using a curved blade about 18 inches long, it has a wood handle. Comparing it to the ones on the table it appears to be a Pinuti. The information identifies it as a wooden handled farm implement from the Philippines, sharpened to a bright steel when used as a weapon. I pick up the weapon off the table. Its D-grip handle is a single hunk of wood, the handhold carved in the center. The blade itself is a little more than an inch wide and curves to the tip for the final 4 inches of the length. It is sharpened along the curved edge. She moves very smoothly almost like a dancer, her swings are graceful yet extremely powerfull. She has made contact with the mutt on several parts of its body. There are no cuts but red lines in various widths appear. If she were fighting another tribute they would be long dead. I put the weapon down and move to the other table.

As I look at the weapons, I watch the tribute on the left, she is using a straight sword called a Gladius, it is shorter, about 15 inches. I pick up the one on the table. It has a wasp waist handle, simple ivory and rope. The sword is sharpened on both edges, it is pointed at the end. The center is a raised ridge. Its name comes from a flower, the gladiolus, which has sword shaped leaves. Funny how something beautiful can lend its name to something so deadly. They are using a different type of training weapon. The handle appears solid but the blade is a projection. She is actually full contact sparing with the mutt. A tone sounds each time one of them makes contact yet there appears to be no impact. Again each time the tribute scores a hit, a bright red line appears on the mutt in varying widths. The tribute is skilled but seems clumsy in comparison to the other girl. Her swings are hacking, brutal, almost out of control. Liability number 2 to the career pack, her rage is too close to the surface. She will make mistakes. I put the Gladius back and pick up a different weapon. It is the one I intend to use, its called a Cossacks dagger. It also has a wasp waist handle, hard wood with engraved brass over the pommel, cross and rain guards. It is shorter still at just over 14 inches, the blade appears steel. It tapers over a distance along a concave arc, to a sharp point. The ridge is less distinct, but the blade has engraving on either side of the ridge line. No one but Cossack will catch the specifics of the weapon I choose. But I will not give this weapon away yet. I pick up a Swiss dagger although it has a curving cross gard, it is of similar length and weight to the Cossack dagger. I find the trainer.

My finale station for the session. Survival at its best, shelters. Along with turning common objects like, plastic sheets, tree limbs, and wild grasses into shelter. There are tips and examples of natural shelters. Where they are likely to occur, how to camouflage the entrance and how to secure your supplies. It is a busy station, I love the examples of caves, they even have a small pool and it must have an under water cave. I see a trainer emerge, so I just dive in. I swim to where I saw the trainer emerge. I take a dive along the submerged rock face. I feel my way along, pulling myself head down, running my hand as far as I can reach to each side. About 2 body lengths down and a full arm to the left I felt the lip of the cave. I pull myself to the opening and surface straight up. I will need to take a full breath, I have no idea how long the passage to the cave is. But I am sure it is there. The trainer surfaced from no where and he did not enter the water in the 25 minutes before he surfaced. I rest cockily, on the rocks, watching the other tributes. I take a deep breath and dive fast. The entrance is tight my shoulders repeatedly rub the rocks. My lungs are hot, my chest feels like its on fire, my brain is shutting down, then I feel it. I feel the rim of the exit. I grab with both hands and propel myself out of the tube, and surface, gasping for air barely able to tread water. I am in a cavern about 30 feet in diameter, the ceiling here is only a foot above my head. In about 15 feet the ceiling rises like a wall to about 10 feet. There are two ledges, the lower ledge is about 5 feet wide, the second is just above the high tide line and appears about 3 feet deep. As soon as I catch my breath I will swim to them. I only spend long enough to rest on the ledge. I swim back to the opening, treading only long enough to breath normally. It is much easier going out as the tide is still ebbing, in fact I am almost pulled out, jarring repeatedly into the walls. I control my surfacing even though I desperately need air. I follow the wall and allow only my nose and mouth above the surface to take air. I follow the rock wall to the edge of the pond, I crawl out on to the shore. No one seems to have noticed me. I shake off and head out of the station. I am jogging for the entrance when one of the trainers from shelters falls in beside me. "Nice catch." Then he simply falls back and I am jogging alone again.

Lunch in our launch room seems fairly mundane. As I asked we are served rabbit stew. Which reminds Samme to tell me about my surprise for the Gamesmakers. She stares at me oddly as she talks, but I am getting used to that. Several choked never having eaten wild game. But in general it went over well. I wondered how it will go when game is included everyday. The only significant thing is a scheduling change by Cossack, he decides I should sleep first and meet Ruthie later. She agrees, but she can't seem to look me in the eye. I wonder if she has been coerced. As this is the shift change Samme left as soon as she gave report. So now I am headed back to 12 and that means the remake center and Thorn. I am going to try to go to my room. It is highly unlikely, I have yet to get past Ezera. I push the button almost as violently as I had the slammed the door. Ezera actually meets me at the elevator, so much for escaping. She is staring at my face and arms, "Oh, I thought they were taking the marks off of you." Her voice is low and agitated. "What?" I growl. She touches my face gently, when her fingers come back tacky with blood she gasps. "What happened to you?" I realize, I must show the wear of the cave entrance. "I am just a little worse for the wear today. I didn't even notice, I've had worse wrestling with my sister." We are at the remake center door. I have to act normal, this is between me and Thorn. To put Ezera back in her own mode. I add "Cossack wants me back in the arena at 9:00. See you at 8:50"

I open the door taking a deep breath as I enter. Thorn is curled in the chair, she is holding something very small in her fingers. She holds a fine brush in her other hand and is contentedly painting. I stand leaning back against the door, just watching her. She smiles gently as if pleased with her work. She looks up at me and beckons me over. "Come see" I walk to the chair, I lean over her shoulder, her hair brushes against my face, and I breath her in. She holds a miniature oval picture frame made of porcelain on which she has painted a single peace rose bud, the stem and leaves curving around the edge. It is so tiny it is hard to believe she painted it. "Will you let me frame the Mockingjay on your ring?" I pull her from the chair, I have to kiss her no matter the cost to my heart. She is in my arms, she gasps and her empty hand is on my face. I do not get to kiss her. It is the first time she has really seen me since I entered the room. I can see some scratches and gouges in my shoulder but nothing that should cause alarm; But both women have gasped and touched my wound. "What caused this?" She is practically dragging me to the table. "I can hardly feel it why are you and Ezera freaking out. No one freaked at lunch. I guess Ruthie looked scared but I thought it was the swimming lesson." She hands me a mirror. My cheek bone is exposed, the skin has curled back, there is a slice separating the muscles. The bottom edge is seeping but there is very little blood. "Can you stitch it?" She turns my face carefully."I can, but you have to choose. I can use an ointment that will numb it, and if you need them, get pain killers. Or I can use powder to heal you completely in less than 24 hours but I can't give you any pain medication not even the numbing to stitch you. And the healing is very painful. "I'll deal with the pain. Please put on the music. But, no songs, I want you to just talk to me."

"I had a friend of mine make this for you. It is from the live feed of the reaping. I know it means some thing important to you." She speaks softly as she turns on music. It is Cedaris, Jaxon and the Mockingjay's whistling taps. She walks over takes off my shirt and examines the wounds in my shoulders. "Thorn," my voice is shaky, almost wrenched "please, talk to me." I wont be able to hold tears much longer. The strains of taps still play, I am desperate for her to distract me. Then Cedaris' is singing just the first verse.

"Day is done, gone the sun, From the hills, from the lake, From the skies. All is well, safely rest, God is nigh" and the song ends.

For the first time I can remember tears are streaming down my face. My chest is heaving, and sobs are trying to escape. I don't cry, a single tear occasionally, but I have never cried, not even as a babe, according to my mother. Thorn's hands are gentle on my shoulders. I know she can feel me shaking. Finally, she starts to speak "These aren't as bad as your face, I only have to stitch a couple of them. I'll clean them all first, then..." I grab her hand, without turning my head to look at her. "Really talk to me." As I am waiting for her to speak again I feel drips of wetness running down my back. Then she starts cleaning the wounds, and I realize the wetness is her own tears. "I don't think I can. Seeing you injured makes this all too real."

"Tell me a story then, a love story, one with a happy ending." My voice comes out tight and strangled, almost unintelligible.

It takes a few more minutes before she starts the story. "He was born too early, he was so small, smaller than any baby that had ever survived in his district, barely a pound. The healer and a doctor worked hard to save him. He was barely breathing, they had already lost his mother, she'd bled out, she was one of their own, a medic, a Peacekeeper, but a medic all the same. The Doctor snapped at the healer "We don't lose baby peacekeepers, get the Capitol hospital on the phone." Oh, babies died here, just not peacekeeper babies, this is district 2, only merchant and stone cutters children died as infants. Peacekeepers were too healthy and well fed. The brain trusts too protected in the mountain. When the word from the Capitol came, it was shocking, "Let him die." Both wondered what his parents had done to earn him this fate.

Neither, the doctor or the healer felt right about the edict. But, they did as was protocol, they provided only nourishment. If he was going to make it he'd have to do it on his own. No one held the infant. They hadn't even named him. But, he grew with each passing day. He was almost 4 months old when the doctor proclaimed, "he will survive." Another pound and he would be assigned to a Peacekeeper pod. Peacekeepers were raised in academies by professionals. Peacekeeper children have no parents. They are trained from before they can walk. The healer had become very attached to the baby boy with no name. The day she knew they would eventually add him to a pod and send him to the academy, she asked for a transfer. If she waited someone might figure out why she needed it, and then it would be denied. No one loved peacekeepers, not even other Peacekeepers. He was Cadet 206 - 12 otherwise known as 12.

He was 4 before anyone heard his voice, even after that it was rare. Actually, it wasn't just his voice that was silent, it was everything about him. Even in a silent room you couldn't hear him breathe or move. He saw the healer daily because he still took medicine to help him grow. Apparently being 4, only 30 inches tall and 22 pounds was unacceptable. He was physically gifted even as small as he was. The first time he spoke he asked a simple question of the healer "D'airia why don't I have a name?" She couldn't tell a 4 year old "you weren't supposed to live so no one bothered." Instead she simply asked "would you like one?" He nodded his head. D'airia promised she would find him a special name. It took her almost another year to give him one.

He was 5 that day, most peacekeepers didn't know their birthdays, after all, Peacekeepers were manufactured not born. Peacekeepers all aged up on reaping day. But, D'airia knew his and she had made it special each year. He was tumbling in his first session of the day, he had managed his whole routine, it was his last pass, handspring, handspring, cartwheel, cartwheel, back handspring, round off. But he didn't quite make the final rotation, he slammed to the mat. The only sound was a slight thud, when he stood, his arm hung skewed at his side and his shoulder was dislocated. He headed off to the infirmary without a sound.

As she healed his shoulder she quietly told him a story about an ancient people. They had lived in communities around the borders of their homeland. They protected the homeland from all others. They were an honorable people and lived by a strict code. But, from time to time, over several thousands of years the government of the homeland would try to take their land and impose rules on these people. And although they were true to their homeland they would not be ruled. So they rebelled often, and kept their independence. Finally, she whispered in his ear the name of these people, these strong protectors, with great loyalty, duty, and honor. And then said "And that is what your name should be." They kept it their secret.

She stayed with him, she loved him, and he her. But it was hidden, as were all good things in Panem, no one would take him from her. By the time he was 8 he was the best in his age group, still the smallest but the best. He never missed a target, lost a race or a fight. Just after his 15th birthday he began to grow. He was always hungry, so hungry he felt hollow. D'airia gave him as much of her food as she could sneak but it wasn't enough. Then when he grew 4 inches in a month the commandant issued him a free pass to the kitchen. He grew 16 inches and gained 125 lbs in 6 months. He was over 6 ft and 200 lbs, but he still moved silently and spoke rarely.

He was technically 18 on that reaping day, but it would still be several weeks before the really day as D'airia called it. Everyone knew he would be the male tribute. It was no surprise when he climbed the wall to the stage and was the first to stand. The only surprise came just moments later when the escort asked his name. It was the first time he had ever said it, of course D'airia whispered it in his ear when she told him something important, but his name had never been spoken aloud. So when he straightened his shoulders, lifted his chin, and stared straight into the camera and spoke loud and clear "My name is Cossack" there was a collective gasp and then absolute silence. The boy known as 12 had both a voice and a name. He became the Victor that year."

Thorn paused in her telling of the story. She had been cleansing and putting antibiotics on the small wounds for almost an hour. She had me face down on the table, apparently the rock tunnel did a real number on my skin. I will have to be more careful. I wonder why I didn't feel the damage. "Do you want to eat before we do the powder on the deep wounds and close them? You are going to be in a lot of pain for the next 24 hours, you may not want food later." I sat up, I was already beginning to feel the wounds, and more pain might turn my stomach, so I nod yes. I watch her go to the panel, and push the buttons. "Will, Cossack be upset because your telling me this story?" I ask, Thorn clearly knows Cossack very well. "No, he won't be upset. But, he wouldn't tell the story either, at least not that part of it." I am sure she is right. Both of them have spoken of Cossack being the best since he was 8, he however had not mentioned his tiny stature.

We eat quietly, the silence isn't as comfortable as it once was. I am more than half in love with her, she isn't in love with me. I eat 4 plates of food, no matter the pain it will sustain me. When I finish I simply return to the table and lay face down. I am glad I don't have to look at her just yet. As she cleans the last 3 wounds on my back and shoulder, she starts to talk to me again.

A'leela was a very small woman, delicate since birth, she had barely survived. She was 19, barely 4' 2", and well under 100 lbs, she looked about 8. But, she had fallen in love hard. He was a large young man. The son of the bank president. When they told his father they wanted to be married, he approved and gave A'leela a job at the bank. But, insisted they wait until Arlo returned from college in the Capitol. A'leela knew he hoped Arlo would find someone different in the Capitol. Even so, they respected his wishes, so for the next 4 years, they called each other daily and spent vacations together.

After he returned to the Capitol for his final semester, she missed a period, and then two. She went quietly to the healer, who confirmed her suspicion, she was indeed, pregnant. She wasn't yet 10 weeks pregnant and already her flat belly was starting to round. How was she going to hide this, another 14 weeks, until Arlo was home. She always wore well fitted clothing to offset her stature, if she went loose and flowy, everyone would notice.

She was surprised the day, Arlo's father invited her to his home for dinner. He was a widower and she an orphan, since the epidemic 2 years prior. They rarely spoke if Arlo wasn't home. They chatted about mundane things for most of the meal. Just after dessert was served, he reached across the table and took her hand. "A'leela, am I going to be a grandfather?" She almost bolted. Her hands started to shake, her eyes filled with tears. But then the most amazing thing happened. "A'leela, children are a blessing, no matter when or how they come to this world." She moved into the big house on the hill the next day. Arlo and A'leela were married quietly in June. He was assigned to the Mayor's office, Deputy Mayor, an impressive position for a young man.

Thorn stops the story again. This time to warn me she will be putting powder in the wounds. I am glad she warned me. As the powder fills the first wound it burns like fire. It is even worse than being whipped. I am biting my lip to stay silent. I taste the distinct coppery tang that is my own blood. The fire widens and burns more intensely. So, intensely that at first I don't even realize she is actually stitching the wounds. Then she continues the story.

"It was reaping day, A'leela woke with pain in her back. Her heavily rounded belly made moving difficult. It was important she be there to support Arlo, so she pushed herself. The day went on and on with endless responsibilities. The pain and pressure in her back just got worse. Finally, the reaping was over, she just had to get through the official dinner and she could rest. She stood, and collapsed, at first no one even noticed. When they did she was laying in a puddle of blood and fluids barely breathing. The healer did her best, but A'leela died that day in the square. The healer grabbed a knife from the closest Peacekeeper, before anyone realized what was happening. She cut the child from A'leela's already dead body. Angle was born in the District 8 square on reaping day.

When Angle was 1, the Mayor retired and Arlo was promoted. Arlo and his father continued to raise Angle in love. But, the Capitol put pressure on Arlo to find a new wife, 2 years later he was still a single Mayor. So the Capitol sent him a wife, her name was Jamison. Arlo paid her little attention. It was just too painful to be home. Jamison, ran the house, was a wonderful hostess and kept Arlo's bed warm. But, he didn't love her, heck, most of the time he was still so grief stricken he didn't notice anyone or anything but work.

Jamison hated Angle, she treated her badly when no one was around. She even beat her with a hair brush often. Her little sister was born when Angle was almost 6. Gabby, hated Angle, but Angle knew it wasn't her fault. That evil woman had poisoned her own sister against her. Her father and grandfather were the only bright spot in Angle's day.

Angle woke early that day. She would be 18 today, her last day in jeopardy, it was reaping day. Angle sat on her bed sketching away. She was going to the Capitol in a few weeks to start college. She was going to design school. Jamison, entered her room without knocking. It wasn't new but it still grated on Angle's nerves. Then she began to speak. "If Gabby is reaped you will volunteer, or I will kill you myself. You are a worthless piece of crap. You should simply be the tribute, but there are rules." She turned on her heel and left. Angle hated that woman, but there was little to worry about. Gabby was just 12 and only had 1 entry, Angle herself at 18 only had 7. Others had many more entries. As the Mayor's children they had never needed tessera. It was highly unlikely either would be reaped.

Angle pulled the long silver dress from the closet. It was one of her own designs. She knew all the styles from school. This one was Grecian in design, it showed her off well, just in case. She went to the official breakfast. But that was all the responsibilities she had till after the reaping. She hated having to act happy and supportive of the Hunger Games. But she was the Mayor's daughter and it was required. She waited at the house till the last possible moment. She could enter through the VIP gate even though she would report to the pen for 18 year old's. She stood next to her best friend Mindy, they were holding hands. Mindy, was the daughter of a mason, not even a stone cutter. They were poor, very poor, at 18 Mindy had 56 entries. Even so, she looked beautiful. Angle had made her a dress for today. It was a style know as a bandage dress. It showed off, Mindy's tiny hourglass shape perfectly.

Then the Escort was yelling Ladies first. Then she was calling the name "Gabby Voltier, Gabby Voltier please step to the stage." Angle was shocked, but she did not move, she did not volunteer. She could hear Jamison yelling "Angle Voltier volunteers" over and over but everyone was ignoring her. You could not volunteer another person and the yelling was not coming from the pens.

When the reaping was over Angle, found her father. He pulled her close, kissed her forehead. "I wouldn't trade you for Gabby, just as I would not have traded Gabby for you had it gone the other way." They all went to the Justice building together to say goodbye. Jamison was practically hissing and spitting at Angle. It was hard seeing Gabby trying to be brave. Trying to comfort Gabby, Jamison had shown her true colors for once, right in front of Arlo she said "You shouldn't be going. Angle, should have volunteered she is a piece of worthless crap anyway. It wouldn't matter if she died. Don't worry she'll pay." It was harder still when Arlo slapped Jamison, he was a gentle man, pushed too far. Angle ran from the room without even speaking.

Angle made it through the rest of the day. She crawled into her bed and let sleep bring her peace. She woke when the liquid soaked her bed. She was still trying to clear her head when the heat and pain overwhelmed her. Every inch of Angle's body was burned. She would not have survived but a hovercraft was in the area and Angle was air lifted to the Capitol. Arlo was enraged, one daughter reaped, the other burnt. When the head Peacekeeper, informed him his house had burnt to the ground and his wife was in custody. He looked at him coldly, "when you pronounce sentence I will carry it out."

As Mayor he had the right to carry out any criminal sentence. They both knew the sentence for attempted murder or arson was execution. The Mayor was going to legally get revenge and kill his wife. Justice was swift in the districts. The horns sounded calling the residents to the square just before day break. Those assembled were shocked, the Mayor's wife stood naked shackled in the middle of the square. They could see she had several serious burns, her face was tear stained, they had removed all of the hair from her body. Only those sentenced to death were presented in such a manner. Hair burned during electrocution and that was how prisoners in 8 were executed.

The head Peacekeeper stood at the podium, read the charges and pronounced sentence. The people of 8 were used to the rich and powerful being pardoned for their crimes, before Arlo it was a regular occurrence. Arlo had never pardoned anyone, but this was his wife, they expected nothing less. He stood at the podium, he looked up, she caught his eye. She had a smug grin on her face. Even she expected him to pardon her. His eyes were cold as ice his face an expressionless mask. "I proclaim that the method of execution will be beheading. The execution will take place immediately, I claim my right as Mayor to carry out the order personally. "The crowd was silent it was the last thing they expected. A single piercing scream rang through the square.

Thorn is finished stitching my shoulder. It hurt, it burns hot enough that my whole body trembles, and she hasn't even started on my worst wound. She helps me sit again, it is hard to breath through the pain. She goes to the panel and taps buttons. She lays a blue gel pad on the table and has me lay on it. It is cooling, much like the snow pack the healer used the winter I was whipped for gathering kindling. It is much better. I lay as still as possible. Thorn is probing and cleansing the injury to my face. She leans in and whispers "I am sorry" then she begins putting the powder in my face. She resumes her story.

It was the 38th Hunger Games, Cossack wasn't supposed to be the males mentor, but when the boy from pod 206 was reaped he volunteered. He was an honorable young man. Cossack promised he would bring him home. Cossack was a man of his word, the boy was the victor, well what was left of him, was. Cossack wasn't sure even the Capitol could put him back together.

Cossack was striding quickly through the hospital halls. A woman's screams brought him to a halt. He followed the sound, he looked through the window into her room. God, he hated those windows when he was here as Victor. He wanted to turn away but he couldn't. She had been burned on every inch of her body except the palms of her hands and the center of her face. She was standing with her arms and legs spread, and they were debrideding the burns. He heard one of the women working offer her morphling but she refused. They were torturing her. Whether they meant to or not. Whether they were healing her or not. He stood for a few more minutes just watching, it was impossible for her not to scream, it was just too painful, but there was bravery in every sound. She refused to kill the pain, she chose to endure.

He walked past her room again that evening. He knew he shouldn't, he wouldn't have wanted to be seen but he felt compelled. This time she lay perfectly still on her bed. She was in what looked like a clear hard plastic shell molding her body. A man sat at her bedside. He looked worn and haggard. His whole body trembled and his shoulders visibly shook. He was silently sobbing. He must be her father.

He couldn't help himself, he had to see her, know that she still lived. Everyday it was the same. Every morning they were torturing her, and she endured. Every evening the man sat at her side. Then on a Monday the man wasn't there, he wasn't there again on Tuesday. Wednesday Cossack entered her room, he sat at her bedside. She never opened her eyes, she never made a sound. Yet, he sat with her again the next night and the next after that. The man was back on Saturday and Sunday, so Cossack just looked at her for a moment. The man was gone again on Monday, clearly he had to returned to work. So, Cossack continued the vigil at her bedside. After 3 more weeks they no longer debrided the burn. She was always there in her case, asleep or in a coma he didn't know, but her eyes were closed.

The Monday he returned from the District Victors tour, he saw her eyes open for the first time. She didn't speak, she didn't make any sound. She looked at him, really looked at him. His heart almost stopped, at that moment Cossack realized he loved her. What if she wanted him to leave? he hadn't even thought this far. He just knew he had to be with her. Her gaze accepted him, she wasn't asking him to leave. He could breath again. He sat at her bedside nothing more that evening. The next he brought a book and read to her. He read to her everyday, she listened, she appeared to try and smile occasionally, but the skin they were growing on her, was simply to tight to allow it. It had been almost a year the first time he heard her voice. It was a Friday and he was leaving, the man would be here tomorrow and he would miss her terribly. It was so quiet he almost missed it, cracked, strangled and painful she said one word "tomorrow." It was time for him to meet the man.

As he strode towards her room he saw them through the glass. A Doctor, 4 healers and the man stood around her bed. He almost just kept walking but she had asked him to come. When the Doctor asked him to leave, all eyes were on him, but every head snapped to her, when her one word "no" filled the room. They unmolded her that day, she couldn't move, her whole body was limp. The muscles unused had no strength. He could see her need to be less alone, less helpless, he lifted her and sat on the bed with her in his arms. The doctor tried to stop him. It was his turn to simply say no. The doctor left, there was nothing more for him to do today. The rest of the evening he held her and the man read from the book.

Cossack had recognized the man the moment they stood face to face. He was the Mayor of District 8, Arlo Voltier. As they left her room, Arlo asked him to dinner. Cossack agreed. Before Angle, Cossack rarely spoke, but reading aloud to her everyday had given him strength. He had learned that words were important. Even so the 2 men sat in silence at first, the only conversation with the waiter. Then Arlo made a simple statement and asked a very difficult question. "You love my daughter, why?" Cossack understood the depth of the question. Arlo knew Angle hadn't spoken before, she had only spoken 2 words since the fire. And Arlo had only heard 1, no, when they asked Cossack to leave. How could Cossack love her when all he knew of her was the silent young woman in the hard plastic shell. Cossack wasn't even sure why or how. Only that he did and it was forever. But, he tried, "she endures and I am compelled by my heart to stay."

It was 2 weeks before the 40th Hunger Games almost 2 years had passed but Angle was finally going home. Cossack rode the train with her, holding her hand, she was terrified. She hadn't left the hospital, and only Arlo and Cossack had visited. Her face was so scared she didn't know how she would look at anyone. Then it happened right there in the train car. Cossack kissed her, really kissed her. Not a brush on her cheek or forehead, not just grazing her lips. Crushing her to him, deep, strong, all encompassing, devouring her. Then he said words she had never imagined "I love you, be my wife." She whispered back "Yes, now and always."

Thorn ties the last stitch as she finishes the story. Tears are running from my eyes, my face is on fire, it is near to impossible to keep from screaming. She walks to the panel and punches buttons again. When she come back she places a blue pack on my face. It molds and adheres it self to my cheek. The pain almost instantly becomes more bearable. Thorn has me sit up, it is a struggle. She leans into my chest and gazes into my eyes. Her words stop my breath "I can't love you now, not here, not like this. I lost everything when we lost Bud. I wouldn't survive losing everything again. You have to come back to me." And she kisses me. It is Thorn, it tastes of compassion and care, it promises love and passion. She is more than half in love with me too. My body screams, but my heart sings.

She finishes undressing me. She has me lay face down again. The added pressure of the face support seems to relieve even more of the pain. She is placing three small blue packs on my 3 stitched wounds. She begins massaging my body with oil, it smells of lavender. Almost every moment I have spent in her presence our body's have been in contact. I relax under her gentle touch. I am becoming accustomed to her care, I miss her smell and touch every moment I am not with her. This time when she taps my hip, I roll over without hesitation, my arousal evident, I am not embarrassed, Thorn would have been surprised if I wasn't. She works her way over my entire body. She heads to the shower and prepares it. Then she helps me to the shower. The stool is in place and I lean on it as she washes my body, once more cleansing my wounds. When she kisses my back as she works I decide I will take whatever care and comfort she offers my body. I can wait for her heart, I am coming home, she will be mine. We sleep, her curled in my arms. Safe from the world, for just this moment.

I wake, it is already dark I am late. Thorn stretches and mummers "Cossack said report at lunch. Ruthie and Sage went swimming, are running the snare lines and will have dinner on a rock. Whatever that means. Go back to sleep." I do.


	9. Chapter 9 Dinner with Ruthie

It is still dark the next time I wake but Thorn is already moving around the room. I see her back at work in the chair. I unconsciously thumb my finger and realize my ring is missing. I walk to Thorn in the big chair. She has my ring in her hand. She has mounted the porcelain frame, once again her care amazes me. She places it back on my finger, now Thorn will be with me in the arena. I just hold her against my chest. I will not push her, but it seems we both need this closeness. I am still in significant pain. As if she can read my thoughts Thorn pulls herself from my arms, she gets more blue pads and orders food. I see the tint of the sky start to change, I go onto the balcony. This room faces east. I call for Thorn to follow. I only have so many sunrises I can count on, I am going to watch this one. I hold her to me one arm around her waist one across her chest. We breath in one rhythm. The beauty is beyond any description. We stand in silence, a certain reverence, in the miracle of the new day, the rich reds, oranges, and purples, reflecting off the pastels glass of the Capitol buildings.

As the sky fades we return to the room. Thorn pulls me to the work table again. She lays me face down, and goes over each wound. Then I feel her removing the stitches, from my deeper wounds. It doesn't take long and she taps my hip. I roll over, and Thorn removes the blue pack from my face. She removes the stitches. I count forty three. She has me sit up. Then asks "_Do you want to see the scar before I start to remove it?"_ I nod and she hands me the mirror. The scar starts just below my left tear duct, travels in and arc, at the edge of my cheek bone and ends just below the corner of my eye. It is one wicked scar, I ask Thorn to take a picture first. As if she has just remembered she asks _"Do you want to know what caused this?" _Again I nod, she goes over to the table and retrieves something. She hands me a black triangular shard about a half inch on the longest edge. I turn it over carefully. It is a piece of obsidian, a very sharp, glass like black stone "_Where'd you get this?" _Quietly, she replied _"I pulled it out of your cheek it was embedded in the bone."_

She explains that the next step is to abrade the scars and apply a thin layer of powder to the new wounds. She finishes all of my wounds. I hurt, it isn't as intense but I need to be doing something. I ask Thorn if I can go to the launch room. It takes some convincing but finally Thorn agrees. She calls Ezera to escort me and then Samme to give strict instructions. I just growl at her, and she breaks out laughing. I must be a sight with the blue pads on my wounds again. Somehow Ezera gets me to the launch room without being noticed. Only Samme is in the room, I am glad for that. Ezera doesn't even come in.

Samme sits curled on the couch watching a holographic video of a Bat'leth fight. The creatures fighting look like men but they have ridges along their foreheads. Their spine almost looks armor plated. Their hair is long and held back in a leather thong. They wear odd military uniforms. The Bat'leth in battle as these warriors are fighting almost looks like a choreographed dance. We watch in silence until the video ends. Samme looks the most normal I have ever seen her. She wears a white fitted tank top, soft pink valour pants, and flat white sandals. She has on natural makeup and her hair is in a messy bun on top of her head. She looks beautiful._ "Interesting mutts"_ I say. _"Not mutts, the twentieth centuries idea of aliens."_ I sit on the couch beside her _"She continues, the battle we're watching is from a episode of a show called Deep space nine. It was part of a phenomenon called star trek. The show inspired much of the technology developed in the late 20th century."_ I am gaping at her, her eyes soften and she smiles. _"I read a lot."_ we watch the next video that pops up, it is the chakram. I see several different versions of the weapon, including some that have three evenly spaced handholds where the outer edge is not sharpened, for hand to hand combat use. We watch specialty weapons videos until Maysilee comes in. I watch the spear weapons videos, while Samme goes over Maysilee's sessions from yesterday, and gives her instructions for this morning. Both Ruthie and Sage will be sleeping till lunch they were in the woods till four am. I am alone again with Samme.

Its time for me and Samme to get this straightened out. She will mean the difference between being on a train alive or in a box. And I am not going home in a box. Before I can say anything Samme announces_ "I think Ruthie may have been raiding your snares back in the district."_ I raise an eyebrow _"Why would you think that?"_ She smiles wryly _"She cleared and perfectly reset three snares in the time it took Sage to do one. And I doubt even you could identify which snares had been reset. Well, except Sage's that's clearly not yours"_ I knew I had a thief in the District but I never would have guessed a twelve year old community kid. No wonder she was still alive after 8 years in the community home. I realize this is my opportunity_ "A lot of things aren't what they seem, including you. You are the one person I need to understand and trust. You are my one life line so tell who you really are?"_ Her mouth dropped open in simple shock.

It was clear she hadn't expected my statement and felt like a cornered animal. _"I am not sure who I am, is an answer you are ready to face. A Victors reality is much different than most imagine."_ I just shake my head and wait patiently. She takes a deep breath and continues_. "As a child my mother called me O.D., short for odd duck. I hated noise, lights and crowds. The District square was my worst nightmare. I spent most of my time in my room reading, by the time I was reaped I had already passed the mine engineer qualifying exam. After the Games I found out why I hate all those things. They are like assaults on my body, I have ultra sensitive hearing, sight and smell. In the end it is why I won, it also forms everything that I am."_ Samme slides up against me and nudges me to put my arm around her. I see no harm in offering her comfort, so far we have had a very strange relationship. I pull her against me so her head rests on my shoulder. She asks _"Are you sure you want to know this going in?" I look at her, for the first time I see honesty "I am not sure I will come out if I don't. " _

Samme pulls herself completely onto my lap and starts to speak. I am not sure I am okay with this but her words help and I adjust our position until we are comfortable. _"I am scared every minute of every day I am away from my home. Not just really scared, absolutely terrified is the truth. For some reason you are comforting. "_ she takes another deep breath. _"When I leave the house I need to take someone with me. But that isn't always an option. For years I had my groomer and stylist anytime I had to go in public. Now I can do 3 different looks and mannerism sets they taught me, without help. Every time I go out I have to practice over and over what I am going to do in my head or I just can't do it. If I am out alone I have to go over it as I do it, over and over every step. If something becomes routine, I can do it. I go to the bakery everyday. I get coffee and a poppy roll. It takes every bit of energy I have to keep from just running home._

_Your mother is one of my biggest supports. She takes me shopping twice a month. The pretext is that she is making me a new dress, and of course she is, but she also takes me to every shop I need to visit. We go in the same order every time. If something happens I can do it alone, but it is really hard. She brings me my new dress, then we go shopping for the next dress. I wear each dress just once, the next shopping trip and then your mother gives it to a woman in the seam. She makes almost all my clothing. Another young girl from the seam, Hazelle cleans and shops with me the other 2 weeks a month." _

She lowers her voice to a whisper up against my ear and I strain to hear her. _"I have a very old screen. It has over a million books stored on it. I read all the time. It is quiet, it fills my head, it gives me images to hold, it gives me peace. It belonged to a bibliophile relative in the 21st century. There are notes in every book someone has read. I add my own. It teaches me that everything changes and yet everything is the same." _ That screen would be considered contraband and be confiscated if anyone from the Capitol knew. She would most likely be punished for having it.

She tells me about the three personas the Stylist has created. I laugh when she uses a Capitol accent to mimic her stylist. The woman we have seen in private is the woman the sponsors expect to see. It is the act that will get us the most support. She is practicing getting, ready, stealing herself, to act relaxed and confidante with a hard sexual edge. I have noticed her check her reflection in the glass several times. Making sure everything is going on plan, checking her expression, making sure the act is picture perfect, practicing over and over. It must be so hard to live like that. I have never been afraid like that.

There is only one thing I need to know about her Capitol act._ "Are you really attracted to me?" _She tilts her head up slightly, gazes into my eyes_ "If you were 30 instead of 16 it is my bed you would be sharing, not Thorn's. And if you crawled into my bed now I wouldn't ask you to leave."_ Then she kisses me. This time it is different. Soft, questioning, maybe even a little hesitant. I feel as if I am betraying Thorn and I pull away. Ezera arrives to take me back to the remake center. Play time is over. In a way I am relieved, in another disappointed. I want more time with Thorn, I need more time with Samme.

Thorn takes off the blue patches and cleans my face. She hands me the mirror. I have fresh pink skin, only a faint bruise remains from the fight in the square. When she finishes with some final oils over the scars she says _"You are no longer required to report to the remake center. You'll need to start reporting to the tribute areas." _I start to shake_. "I can't sleep without you." _She tries to assure me with her statement _"You'll find your way. And if Angle needs you for any training we will see you." _Ezera's knocking ends the conversation. She has the most uncanny timing._ "Time for lunch in the launch room." _I kiss Thorn almost desperately. She kisses me back, I can feel her saying good bye. My heart is shattering, an odd sensation, almost so painful it is numbing. I try to pour everything I feel into kissing her. If this is goodbye, I want to leave no doubts in her mind. Ezera is pounding and using her Capitol voice. Then I am leaving, there is nothing left I can do. I feel impotent again. These games have already taken more from me, than I was willing to give.

I'm last to arrive this time, everyone is there as always. Cossack looks at me and smiles._ "Thorn always does such nice work. You look much better. Be careful it will be at least 12 more hours till healing is complete "_ Before he finishes Ruthie's arms are around me and she is squeezing the life out of me. _"That was scary yesterday. What happened?" _ I smile_ "I lost a fight with an obsidian lined cave. I hear you are an old pro at resetting my snares. Your left handed, correct?"_ Ruthie's eyes got round _"Only when I tie knots."_ I just laugh_. "Wanna go for a swim after lunch? After session we should both sleep, we'll run the lines tonight. You want to right?"_ We have been studying the careers. Each night we run the lines, choose a spot, build a cooking fire and eat. Simple, we don't give anything away. They hunt us, and our mentors watch. We are learning a lot about them. They learn nothing other then that we can hunt, cook and eat. Ruthie squeezes me tighter. Her response_ "Really? Yes." _Lunch is another strategy session. Samme mentions that some of the Gamesmakers are hassling the others about their aversion to squirrel. I notice the sense of comradery in our group. Only the careers have a similar appearance. Yet their interactions are stiffer more formal. We almost look like a family.

After lunch Ruthie and I head over to the pond. She takes another swimming lesson and I work with the fishing weapons. I notice a small eddy in the pool, near a wall. I investigate and find another cave entrance. It is slack tide so entering should be safe. But if the tube gets tight I am turning back. I take a deep breath and plunge in. The passage is wider than the first and only about fifteen feet in length. I surface in a small pool. The ledge to the left is about three feet above the high tide mark. I swim to the edge and hoist myself up. A small tunnel with water marks comes in near the ceiling. Light is coming in so the small tunnel goes to the surface and would act as a chimney. I know where Ruthie and I are eating tonight if she is willing and the tide is right. I return to the main pond. Ruthie's lesson is just ending so we play in the water for awhile. Ruthie seems to take such great pleasure in every new thing, she may actually confuse me the most.

We spend about 45 minutes at the water station. Learning about testing water, capturing the rain, and making water carriers. I spend the rest of my session between the spear station, the long swords station and camouflage. After the session I find an Avox to order supplies for Ruthie and my hunting trip. I stop in the launch room. Cossack is talking with Sage so I wave and head for our floor.

As I step off the elevator I am actually relieved to see Ezera, I want desperately to go to the remake center. We start towards the dining room. _ "Your schedule has you eating now, sleeping and back in the launch at 9:45. Angle wants to see you in the morning." _I tune out from that moment on, all I can think is I will see Thorn in the morning. Besides Ezera will keep me on schedule so the details are unimportant. Ruthie is already eating so I sit with her. We watch the Capitol coverage of our training. It is just one more strategy session. There are images of me from both the spear and sword station. But I find the images of me throwing Ruthie around in the water the most interesting. We were really just goofing around but it makes us both look really strong and like great swimmers.

I head for my room. When I pass Samme's door I hear distressed noises coming from inside. I can't just walk past this time. I actually hope the door is locked, no such luck. I push the door open and walk in. Samme's naked body is tangled in her sheets. She is twisting, crying and moaning. I gently unwrap the sheet. At first she grasps at it but then she lets me take it. I cover her, look for a heavy blanket and turn down the temperature. I learned with my sister, holding her, distracting her from the night, the weight is comforting. I start to rub her back, when I realize I need to sleep or I won't be able to hunt. I strip down to my underwear, and crawl in beside her. Samme settles when I pull her close. I didn't realize how weary I am until right this moment. Samme's warmth pulls me under, she smells of lily of the valley, and her skin is very soft.

I wake to Ezera's voice _"Samme 30 minutes to your shift in the launch." _I wonder if Ezera knows I am here. Samme shifts in my arms, it makes my acutely aware she is a woman. I find myself caressing her gently as she stretches. She kisses me, and I pull her closer, kissing her back, moving my body over hers. I am not sure what stops me but I pull back from the kisses. Holding her like this I realize how true some of the things my mother and her students say about men are. I don't seem to behave any better than the Ferrol dogs that run in the seam._ "Samme, get in the shower before we both regret this. I'll get us coffee." _Ezera knocks and gives a 10 minute warning. Samme yells back for her to let Cossack know she will be 5 minutes late.

Samme is completely naked and I can't help but look at her. Her dark hair is down and draped around her body like a cloak. Her overly pale skin is a stark yet alluring contrast. She seems more relaxed and real than I have seen before. She dresses in another pair of the soft valour pants and tank top this time both in shades of green. She puts her arms around me and leans into my chest. _"Thank-you" _then she takes her coffee and sits down. I want to say something, I just have no idea what. Instead I grab a brush and start plating her hair so I can braid it. I have had to help mom in the mornings, again having a sister is helping me get through. She breaks the silence_ l haven't slept without nightmares since..."_ her voice trails off, but I know what she was going to say. Then she continues _"you made me feel safe. Rest a couple of more hours. You need it. "_ I know exactly what she means, I have felt that way sleeping with both Thorn and her in my arms. I wonder if that is really the lesson about the nature of humans in all of this. That we truly need one another to simply feel safe and whole. Samme tucks me back into her bed, covering me gently and kissing me before she leaves.

I wake, the sun is setting. One of my training uniforms and a pack are on the chair. My first thought is of Thorn, it distresses me. How would she feel seeing me asleep in Samme's bed. I feel guilty. When I check the pack it has all the things I asked the Avox for, he must have put these things here. I am relieved. I try to think of an excuse to go to the remake center. To find Thorn. I head for the dining hall instead. I grab a coffee and a plate of food. I am the only one here, so I watch more of the training coverage. I find the editing makes a huge difference in the way things look. They only show a couple of spear throws by the girl from district 11. They are weak, wobbly and off target. I was there when she practiced, those were her first throws. Then she picked up a different length and weight weapon and threw several perfect shots. But they didn't show any of those. Every segment of me shows my last few practice shots. Each almost perfect, each a kill shot. Based on what I see in the coverage I'd be betting on me too. They are making me look like a killing machine. Most of the coverage is of the careers. Ezera interrupts, letting me know I am supposed to be at the launch in 5 minutes.

Ruthie is already with Samme when I arrive. With her assessment of Ruthie's skills, Samme wants each of us to run one of the snare lines and meet at the squirrel snares. I counter that I'll get the squirrel snare then free hunt and gather while Ruthie runs both snare lines. Giving the careers more things to track. Then I tell them both about the cave. Ruthie is excited about our dinner plans. She said she was going to ask about the things in the pack she got but now she understands. Samme OK's the plan and we head for the arena. I grab the small recurve bow from the archery station and head north. Ruthie heads south for the far end of the snare lines. Each of the leaning branch snares has a squirrel but one also has a possum. I put the kills in my pouch and am resetting the snares when I hear a branch break. I turn and I am staring directly into the eyes of a large white tail doe. I never lift the bow. We hold each others gaze for just a moment. She turns and walks away. The encounter brings back every moment of the day I shot the buck. It takes my breath away. I take 2 rabbits and another squirrel on my trip.

I meet Ruthie at the appointed time by the pond. We both pull the underwater headlamps from our packs. I swim to the wall and find the cave entrance again. Ruthie is using the wall to rest before her first dive. I have her find the entrance herself and surface. I have a long rope tied from my ankle to hers, so all she has to do is follow. If something goes wrong I can pull her to me. We surface in the cave with out incident. The cave itself is actually glowing. Ruthie and I swim to the ledge, I have to boost her onto the shelf. We turn off our head lamps. The cave is spectacular. I didn't notice the lichen on the walls earlier, but in the true dark it is glowing. The cave has a soft green essence to it. Ruthie starts our cooking fire just below the chimney opening, as anticipated what little smoke there is, is pulled out the opening. As I clean the rabbits from Ruthie's pack I ask her_ "what's it like being a community kid?" _Ruthie sits back on her heels and looks at me. It is the first time since the square I have seen her look upset.

"_Its not much of a life. We all share everything. There is one dresser, white cotton or black wool dresses depending on the season. No shoes April to November not even for school. We sleep in 2 rooms on straw that is changed twice a year. We get whatever tessera is left after the rest of the District gets theirs. It is often less than half a portion apiece. More than half of us die each year. I have been there longer than anyone. I turned 12 less than a month ago. If I hadn't been reaped some family most likely would have taken me in to collect tessera for them until I turned 18. If I was lucky enough to find a husband I might have made it. If not there are few choices and fewer jobs. I would end up in the stable for the peacekeepers to use. Its no life really." _She pauses. I really look at Ruthie, she is an amazingly strong young girl. _"Tell me about my snares." _Her smile is back and she laughs.

_"I was scraping in the mine explosion debris, sometimes you find a full lunch box. I know its morbid, but so is dying of starvation. I saw you slip through the fence so I followed. I saw you clear 6 rabbits in an hour. I snuck out that night. I broke off one of your snares so it looked like a deer got it and took the wire. I sat next to one of your snares for 2 hours tying that wire over and over till it was just like yours. I took 1 rabbit that night. I went to Greasy with it, I traded it to her for a small knife and a cleaning lesson. You kept me alive this winter, I took no more than 2 rabbits or squirrels a week. While the east mine is down tessera is being taken by almost everyone. We have been getting less than quarter rations in the home."_ I hand Ruthie 2 of the rabbits for her to start cooking. I empty the rest of my pack. Ruthie's eyes go wide with amazement. _"You brought a feast!"_ Its my turn to laugh. I layout greens, bread, cheese, chocolate milk, yams and two huge slices of chocolate cake. We finish preparing our meal and eat in silence just enjoying the closeness of one another and the beauty of the cave. After dinner I roll out the small mat the Avox included. I lay on my back, and sigh. I call Ruthie over to rest with me. Its like an evening with my little sister. The moon light and glowing embers are playing with the lichens glow. The patterns are almost mesmerizing.

Then I ask Ruthie the thing that confuses me the most. _"How can you laugh and smile through all this? Acting as if it is one great adventure." _Ruthie is very quiet for a long time almost not breathing. Then she starts to speak. _"When my name was called I was terrified. But then I sat alone in the justice building. I thought about dying. You know all of us die, not one of us gets out of life alive. And there are things much worse than being dead. We lost my mother when my sister was born. I was just 2. I still remember her screams, all of the blood, my father wailing. I was 4 when the mine ate my father and we were taken to the home. My sister starved to death when I was 8. There are things much worse than being dead. You know the life I faced. I decided right then I was going to take everything they had to give. See everything I could see, get every experience I could and revel in every moment. If they are going to take my life well then I am going to make it a life worth taking. It matters not when or how we die were still dead. It simply matters how we live."_ So much wisdom in her words, she has given me even more to contemplate._ "So what's your favorite thing so far, chocolate milk, a bed, what?"_ Her answer is a whisper _"having you act like an older brother. No one has ever cared for me really. Not in a very long time." I_ tousle her hair and kiss her forehead._ "Your easy to care for."_ We rest until the embers die. Then we pack up and head back to the launch. An Avox meets me at the exit to take the game.

Cossack is in the launch when we return. The shift change was at midnight. It is just past 2 am now, we spent 4 hours in the arena. He tells us about the careers utter confusion in searching for us. They managed to follow us everywhere even to the lake. They had searched the area near the chimney, but the smoke was gone before they arrived. They couldn't find evidence of the fire or us being anywhere in the vicinity. We all just laughed.

I head up to the floor. Ruthie stays in the launch with Cossack. I am glad he is her mentor even if it is a cover for his real intent to mentor Sage. I go straight to my room, I am going to shower and try to sleep. I miss Thorn. I push the button sequence she taught me, and enter a fine mist.


End file.
